The Diary

23 October 2003: The Morning After The Night Before

Ever known a time when you?ve been to a particularly bibulous party, and after a few hours drunken shut-eye in your pit, returned to the land of the living once more? You know the routine, head pounding like there?s a bloke swinging a massive lump-hammer inside your cranium, mouth like the bottom of a parrot?s cage, eyes seemingly-full of enough grit to render the average motorway frost-free. And, horror of horrors, as you regain full consciousness once more, with it comes the slowly-dawning realisation that, um, you did something socially-awful when in your cups the night before, and it will need peace offerings, in the form of (at the very least) a large bouquet of flowers for the host and/or several free pints for her husband at your local before either of them will ever countenance inviting you to their home again?

Yeah? Well, that?s the sort of feeling I had when I woke this morning, although the strongest beverage imbibed by this column last night was Vimto. Initially, at least, a blank sort of vague depression that pervaded my sleepy senses without my fully knowing the reason why, then, as I became more aware of my surroundings, the full reality of what I witnessed last night came flooding back once more. No ? belay my last ? not a flood, more like the cerebral equivalent of a bloody tropical monsoon, and it wasn?t funny at all. Albion 0 Wimbledon 1; just as expensive as a boozy night out, but still coming complete with a king-size headache, and the yukky-sick sort of feeling that accompanies the average hangover. I?m still trying to comprehend how such a lowly side, sticking ten men behind the ball and quite clearly playing for the draw, managed to nick all three points courtesy of one single solitary strike ten minutes from the end, despite being up against an outfit containing several full internationals (Koumas Wales, Sakiri Macedonia, Haas Switzerland), not to mention some other extremely skilled and competent performers (Hoult, Gaardsoe, etc) and second in the League to boot. You really couldn?t make it up, could you?

I would think there are a good many Baggies asking themselves these questions right now; according to someone I spoke to tonight, at the end of last night?s game, their son, aged 10, stood on one of the seats at the front of the Brummie, and began shouting, repeatedly and loudly, ?Megson OUT!? As his dad wryly commented, had he done that three weeks ago, he would have been threatened, or probably worse, but last night, all he got were some blank stares, and a couple of sheepish smiles. If ever there was an indication that suddenly supporters are waking up and smelling the coffee about our leader and his foibles, last night was surely it. And it?s not just a small but disgruntled section of the crowd making their feelings known via a knee-jerk reaction either. Skipping through the various Albion-related websites and message-boards today was a revelatory experience; as the dad I spoke to tonight observed, three weeks ago, anyone daring to criticise The Great Brain on-line would have heaped (virtual?) coals of fire upon their head. Now the ether is positively zinging with vituperative remarks, and none of it is anything to do with me whatsoever, so no sarcastic comments, please.

It was interesting, today, to note the various post-match Press Conference comments made by our manager. Apparently, the cause of all our misery last night was our strikers, and the blame rests pretty much with them. Although there were a couple of times when it seemed so much easier to plonk the ball into the net rather than blast it into the night sky, or into The Brummie, it might strike some as being a tad unfair on them. Strikers are only as good as the supply-line they have behind them, and because we played so defensively for quite a considerable portion of the game, our main-armament was starved of raw material. Yes, as Meggo said, ?We had 75 per cent possession in the first half, probably more in the second half but we didn?t win,? but what he doesn?t say is what we were doing with the thing when we did have it. Sideways, backwards, into the sky, into the stands, back to poor old Houlty heaven knows how many times, instead of towards the target. Then losing it. That sort of game plan can only come from one place, and the person responsible was the one taking questions last night. Using talented people like Koumas, Haas and Sakiri in that fashion is a bit like buying a spanking-new Mercedes, then only using it for the school run. I wonder how they?re feeling about all this right now?

Now it?s been perceived Hulse, Dobes and Co aren?t doing the biz, it?s been decided to embark upon the expensive task of looking elsewhere for new blood. Ironic, isn?t it? We have two tried and tested forwards out on loan, and yet, for one reason or another, it?s considered unnecessary to recall either. Megson says of Jason, ?We didn?t want Jason Roberts to go, but he made that choice.? Sure, he did, but why? You should know better than anyone else, Gary. As for Danny Dichio, he does have his limitations when playing the ball on the ground, and I?m sure he just as aware of it as I, but he?s about the only player we?ve got right now who has any idea of what to do with the ball when it reaches his head and the goal is in close proximity. I wonder what crime he committed to deserve summary exile to Pride Park?

Today ? thanks, Stuart, for that! - I saw an interesting theory about our manager, and the way he runs things at Planet Albion. Suppose, for one minute, that the reason for his renowned stubbornness in refusing to change tactics is not because he?s bloody-minded and/or can?t see something that?s as plain as the end of his nose, but because he?s simply incapable of change? As my correspondent said, how many managers have ever undergone a Damascene conversion from, say, Route One, to football as per the Brazilians at their sublime best? Think on; Keegan, to use one well-known example, can only put together a side consisting of players who espouse the ?ball to feet, pass-and-move? attacking code The same might be said about many of the top division?s gaffers, although their mantra may be of a different kind. What about Bobby Gould? Even with all that managerial experience under his strait-jacket he couldn?t have a side playing passing football even if you offered him a king?s ransom to make the change. What you see is what you get, and Megson is no exception to this rule. He couldn?t change even if he wanted to, so despite some tinkering at the edges, maybe, we?re stuck with it.

After last night?s shattering blow, there was only one thing left to do, and that was go to tonight?s Premier Reserve League game versus Bolton Wanderers. It?s catharsis, really; surrounded by several home and away die-hards, it?s a real chance to give vent to one?s emotions, get things off one?s chest, and being among friends, without any fear of rancour or recrimination, because we all love the club to bits, and have a similar mindset. At least tonight?s game had more in the way of entertainment than the previous night?s abomination; 3-1 to us was the final score. The first, a penalty, came after about 4 minutes when Adam Chambo was brought down in the box by their keeper, and N?dour converted the spot-kick. The second came early in the second half when Adam Chambo ? again! ? was somewhat generously given a free header by the visitors right in front of goal, and the third? That came in the 14th minute, when Ross Adams latched onto a loose ball following a goalmouth scramble, and banged it home. Notlob managed to reply courtesy of a lob over Danny Crane?s head; our lad managed to get a finger to it, but only succeeded in helping it on its way. The last minutes were a little sweaty, though; the visitors chucked just about everything at us, and it was more luck than judgment that we survived the onslaught. Still, it was nice to see some GOALS, not to mention a win, again.

Incidentally, also present was Bolton?s first team manager Sam Allardyce, Ray Graydon, David Kelly, John Deehan, plus our chairman Jeremy Peace. And, from ?Im Indoors?s point of view, a most intriguing guest, Graham Turner, of Hereford United, of course. Intriguing, because the last time Hereford sent someone ? Richard O?Kelly ? to The Shrine, we ended up loaning Tam Mkandawire to them. I wonder who?s on their shopping-list this time? Lloyd Dyer, after that loan spell at Kiddy, perhaps? He could do worse; the poor sod only came back to us because he thought he?d have a chance of making the first team, only to find on his return we?d signed another full-back, - Robinson - which put him even further down the pecking-order.

Tomorrow, I?ll probably be having a night off; a lot will depend upon what emerges from the Kidderminster Branch Supporters? Club meeting that night, where chairman Jeremy Peace is the star attraction. It may well be I?m not able to report verbatim upon what was said ? if the hosts (or Jeremy himself) ask for privacy, then I?m bound to comply with that out of courtesy. If not, I?ll put something together afterwards, but if nothing appears, you?ll know the reason why. If that?s the case, I?ll be back next on Friday night with some enthralling facts about our next ?awayaday? Rotherham United. A difficult place to write about, is Rotherham; normally, I can think of claims to fame for most towns in England right off the top of my head, but bloody Rotherham has me totally stumped. Would you believe, the best I?ve managed to dredge up, thus far, is that their main industry solely consists of packing KP Nuts? Even Rochdale had bloody Gracie Fields! Any further suggestions more than welcome.

And finally?? The Noise can be verbose at the best of times, but according to co-editor Steve The Miser tonight, before, during and after yesterday evening?s game, he really excelled himself. Coming out of him like a torrent with afterburners, it was, and very few people could get a word in edgeways, by all accounts. It?s because of this that Steve came up with this suggestion: perhaps instead of his voice haunting Wedgwood pottery for all time, Martin should seek alternative employment in a Job Centre? If you?ve ever been on the old ?rock and roll? yourself, you know the deal; after a few weeks of job-searching, they ?invite? you to a private discussion about your employment prospects, all conducted in a little dark room adjacent to the main office. Steve?s suggestion was that The Noise be employed as one of the interviewers; word quickly gets around, and after a few weeks of those on Job Seekers? Allowance getting the full aural treatment from our garrulous little buddy, there would be a steep but rapid decline in the unemployment rates for that particular area!

 - Glynis Wright

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