The Diary

07 October 2003: Justice? FA-Style? You're Having A Laugh!

I?m writing this not long after hearing the news that AJ?s appeal against his sending-off versus Stoke had been dismissed, and, to put it mildly, in true Victor Meldrew fashion, I simply don?t believe it! That means we?re going to be deprived of his services for three games, and for what appeared to be sod-all. Brilliant. Apparently, although the Stoke player?s case didn?t get that far, AJ?s did, at least, run to the extent of some FA big-wigs actually looking at a video replay of the incident in question, but even with the aid of modern technology, the answer from them was a resounding ?No?.

Maybe I?m missing something fundamental here, but I have yet to speak to the person ? Albion or Stokie ? present in the ground that day, who thought the incident genuinely warranted a booking, let alone a red card. Just check the Oatcake site, and you?ll see what I mean. I simply cannot believe that just three or four blokes have got it right, and 20-odd thousand have got it wrong. Hell, were these guys high on something before they perused the relevant footage, or was it a case of what I term the ?Three Wise Monkeys Syndrome? writ large? The thought does occur to me that had this been Arsenal, say, or Man United appealing against the over-zealous whistler?s decision, the committee, or whatever they call it, might well have come to a quite different conclusion. Bitter and twisted? Me? Perhaps, but after some of our experiences at the hands of Premiership referees last season, and now ?justice? FA-style, I?ve every reason to be so.

Blimey ? what a way of warming yourself up on a balls-freezingly cold night ? watching the stiffs bladder Sunderland to the tune of four luvverly goals with only one by way of reply from the Mackems. Soon be time for the old thermal coms and gloves, methinks, but at least jigging around like some supercharged atomic particle each time our finest found the net provided some sort of warmth tonight. My other half has waxed lyrical elsewhere on our victory, but there were other small oddities that came to my attention tonight, which, I feel, are worthy of mention.

Take one of our younger players, for instance. On his head was a most peculiar garment, black, with yellow writing on it (quite fashionable these days, I believe), which put me in mind of that Crewe player, who went about his business to the refrain, ?He?s got a tea-towel on his head?.? Heaven help his career prospects if Megson ever catches him wearing it! And then there was what Sherlock Holmes might term, ?The Curious Case Of The Two Competing Strikers?. It?s Hughsie and Danny Dichio I refer to, here, of course. I use the term ?curious? to describe what happened to them both tonight, events which might be construed as inextricably intertwined. Take injuries, for example. DD was first to register in the ?one-upmanship stakes? when both he and a Sunderland player were injured after a clash of heads in only the first minute of play. Desperate Dan came off rather badly from the collision. He had to leave the field of play for several minutes due to a scalp wound, but the other guy fared even worse; streaming blood from his forehead, he was quickly substituted, which was a pity, as he?d travelled half the length of the country just to experience 60 seconds of reserve-team football!

Concussion can sometimes wreak havoc on the brain, even to the extent of turning carthorses into footballers! Well, that was the conclusion I reached when DD, unmarked, neatly nutted the ball into the net on 18 minutes, thereby giving us the lead. The Mackems restored parity shortly after the start of the second half when Murphy uncharacteristically let a tame sort of effort from the visitors run between his legs. Remind me never to ask him to carry any fragile objects for us! Not that we needed to worry, mind; on nine minutes, Hughsie must have decided that it simply wasn?t on that his striking-partner had thus far extracted what glory there was to be had from the situation, so he decided to do something about it. Before you could say, ?Bostin? Balti with cowin? naan bread, aer kid!? there he was on the edge of the box, gloriously-unmarked, accepting a slide-rule pass from a colleague, and belting the bloody thing for all it was worth into the rear of the rigging. 2-1, and the strike-count was now equal.

But DD wasn?t to be outdone; on 23 minutes, he out-Hughsie?d Hughsie, by launching an absolute screamer from about 20 yards, from which the poor keeper had no chance. Not long after that, it was Lee?s turn to have need of our physio?s tender caresses when felled following a somewhat over-enthusiastic Sunderland challenge. Not that he had to leave the pitch, and he wasn?t a very happy bunny afterwards, but a smile was restored to his face shortly before the end, when he took the ball around 30 yards from the target and without further ado, propelled it at seeming light-speed straight past the poor Mackem keeper, who could only stand as if transfixed! With the score 4-1, we thought that was the end of the drama, but shortly afterwards, the bloke in the next seat to ours suddenly went down with an awful bout of leg-cramp, involving much massage of the affected member, coupled with lots of rude words. Time to warm-up a substitute supporter, perhaps?

Great fun, and, joking apart, good to see both of our strikers notch up braces. Our last Baggies-fix for eight days, sadly, until the Sheffield United showdown. Can?t say I?m looking forward to that one; the reasons for my trepidation concerning that game should be self-explanatory. Could that be the first Division One clash where they?ll have to have a line of stewards separating the two gaffers? technical areas, I wonder? As I said the other day, if we can get something from it, we?ll be well cooking on gas, that?s for sure. Although we?re currently top of the heap, there?s still quite a long way to go, which makes some of the stuff I?ve been reading on the internet about us clocking up a three-figure points-total come the end of the season look a little premature, not to mention silly. There?s the Blades game coming up, sure, but that?s not the half of it.

Following that potential blood-bath (I hope someone keeps Sandwell Hospital?s Casualty Department on red-alert that night!) we then face Norwich ? no slouches, they ? at home, then it?s off to sunny Rotherham the following Saturday. Following the Newcastle trip, it?s then tonight?s reserve opponents, The Mackems, at our place once more, but this time, it?s for real. On November 8th, we travel to West Ham, then it?s to Bradford on the 15th. We then entertain Reading at our place, then go to Forest some 7 days later. Our Cook?s Tour of all our main promotion rivals then temporarily concludes with that return game versus The Hammers. I?m sure all those players resent at the corresponding home fixture during our Premiership season will be eager to ensure that for this one, justice will be done. Sure, the writing was more or less on the wall by the time we played them, but one might argue, with some justification, that we were robbed blind that day.

Not an easy bunch of fixtures on the horizon, is it? If we can clean up big-time from all those games, then we may have cause for optimism come the festive season, but even so, I can?t help but remember The Dingles, and what happened to them, courtesy of us. Over the same period that season, they, too, were sat atop the Nationwide?s summit, with a comfortable points-cushion installed betwixt them and the next in line, Man City ? and just look what happened to them once the New Year?s celebrations had been consigned to the dustbin of history. If we should have cause for rejoicing after that little lot, do remember it could just all so easily blow up in our faces, although it would take incompetence of a spectacular kind to replicate our local rivals? feat. As for all that talk of 100-plus points, I?ll have some of what you lot are having!

And finally?.One. Trust our miserly co-editor and treasurer to live up to his own reputation in fine style tonight. We hadn?t been in our seats five minutes, when Steve descended upon ?Im Indoors like a dive-bomber, asking for the loan of his team-sheet (cost 10p!), so that he could photocopy it at work tomorrow!

Two. When I expressed misgivings in Saturday night?s effort about the ability of Gillingham?s temporary ?Arnold Palmer Stand? to cope with the stresses incurred by a prolonged ?Boing? on the part of visiting Baggies, I was, of course, half-joking. It now transpires that unbeknown to me, and prior to kick-off, the home club had broadcast on their PA system an appeal to our supporters to refrain from doing precisely that! Genuine concern, or just covering their own backs in the unlikely event of something going awry with that structure? Looking at the whole thing retrospectively, I?m bloody glad I?m hard of hearing, sometimes.

 - Glynis Wright

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