The Diary

24 January 2004: Cabbages, Kings - With A 'Turnip' Thrown In For Good Measure!

Apologies for the prolonged absence, folks, but I?m now well and truly back in business ? the events of last week have now given me a more than adequate amount of stuff to be going on with ? so I?ll kick off by wishing all you good Baggie people out there a very happy and prosperous Chinese New Year! Not that they?ll be celebrating in the streets of Hartlepool, mind; according to my researches, we?re now in the Year Of The Monkey. Due to what I shall delicately term ?certain historical events? around those parts, the discussion of simians, especially judicially-oscillating ones, is most certainly frowned upon there!

Before I relate what happened during last night?s tryst with former Dingles and Villa gaffer Graham Taylor at The Royal Hotel, a quick clarification concerning our current dispute with local broadcaster Tom Ross about what and was not said by Terry Wills during a recent phone-in programme a few weeks back. As some of you will know from recent traffic on the mailing-list, our co-editor was alleged to have said as a statement of fact that Gary Megson had ?lost the dressing-room?. Until now, not having heard the broadcast for myself, and not having access to a recording of what The Fart actually said myself, I tactfully refrained from comment. Well, I do have a copy now, and having listened carefully to the whole thing yesterday evening, yes, Terry did pose the question to the listeners, ?Has Gary Megson lost the dressing-room?? but he did NOT at any point state it as fact. The other day we were invited to the Capital studio to listen to the tape in question, but following The Fart putting his side of the story on the mailing list ( a transcript of the relevant bit of the recording) earlier today, according to my sister, in tonight?s programme, all of a sudden, Chummy was now saying he couldn?t actually lay hands on the tape!

I really wouldn?t have bothered dragging this up all over again ? I?m well aware quite a few people out there have become weary of it all ? but I will say this by way of conclusion. I?m quite angry about what has happened because I?ve known Terry for quite a number of years, now, and believe you me, there is more honesty, integrity and common decency in Terry?s little finger than there is in the whole of most people?s bodies, and I will NOT stand idly by and see the words of an honourable and genuine Albion man twisted in that disgraceful manner. And I don?t like bullies, either. Terry might do a lot of things, but what he doesn?t do is tell untruths. I could say a lot, lot more, but I won?t. End of message, and, hopefully, for good, this entire bloody thread.

Right, then. Graham Taylor, Sutton Branch, and what he said at their meeting last night. Despite the place having a sizeable restaurant section, we weren?t treated to the sight of turnips strewn about the place in gay profusion, sadly, but what we did get was a thoroughly-entertaining evening and some very honest opinions about the game from a very articulate speaker. Graham commenced the proceedings by nattering at length on why he didn?t opt to go to The Hawthorns in the late seventies, when it came down to a choice between us and Watford. Apparently, he?d just signed a 3 year deal with Lincoln City at 6.5K per annum (it?s the seventies, remember!) and Albion, for their part, emphasised they were offering him ?a chance? to manage a Division One club ?but on 7K per annum, and NO contract!

He then had a meeting with a group of Albion directors including Sir Bert Millichip, and came to the conclusion that his football knowledge was a bit lacking! He then, in a separate meeting, spoke at great length to another of our then directors, Tom Silk, who did a very good job to persuade him to sign. However, as Tom was a director only, and not the chairman, he could see an immediate problem there. Furthermore, insofar as Graham?s contract with Lincoln was concerned, there was a clause that if he left, he would have to pay the club 20K. This was a clear restraint of trade, Bert Millichip said, and not enforceable in law, but stated Albion would ?only? pay 4-5K, but not the rest.

The following day, Graham spoke to Elton John ? well, our man hadn?t even heard who Elton John was at the time, such was his profound ignorance of the pop-music business! Watford had just finished 7th in Division 4, so as far as Graham was concerned, the proposed move would be downwards, not the other way. During the meeting, he casually asked Elton what he was expecting Watford to achieve under his managership. Naturally, Graham was expecting Elton to reply, ?getting into Division Two would be an achievement?. When the pop star responded, ?Well, naturally, I want to get into Europe!? it was quite a stunner for Mr. Taylor. Elton then asked his man how much he thought he?d need to achieve that aim, and with that, Graham mentally thought, ?I?ll get him!? and said, ?A million pounds!? Again, this was the late seventies, remember? Graham nearly fell to the floor in a dead faint when his prospective gaffer merely said, ?Fine?! Furthermore, when the pop singer heard of the 20K Lincoln contract clause previously mentioned, he offered to write the cheque there and then! Incidentally, it also emerged that of that first million, the first ?200K Elton spent on Vicarage Road was to pay for the replacement of all the crush barriers on the terraces! Graham spoke warmly about his time there, and described it as a very happy family club, and well-run, too.

His time at Villa and The Dingles? Yes, we had a few words about those places as well, and, much to my surprise, he was quite affable about his relationship with Doug Ellis. Something along the lines of: ?say what you want about the bloke, but I genuinely liked the old codger?. Graham was also quite effusive about what he perceived to be the fundamental differences between the Premiership and The Nationwide. He said by way of conclusion regarding that topic ? and highly relevant to our situation, of course ? that it was all very well being a ?yo-yo? club, but if the ?yo? meant going down, and you didn?t come back up again, then the dangers were there. There came a point where supporters wouldn?t accept it any more, and expected better. Graham didn?t cite the current plight of Sheffield Wednesday, but their ever-changing League status during the course of the nineties does provide an excellent illustration (and a timely warning!) of what he meant when he said it.

Other topics? The number of goals scored inside an imaginary arc drawn between the area 2 yards to the left of the 6-yard box, curving round the penalty spot, then 2 yards to the right of the penalty box; 93% are scored in that area, irrespective of level. 91% of goals are scored with a first touch: i.e. if you have to stop and control the ball, the chance has gone. We are bucking the trend, because 7 or 8 of Jason Koumas?s goals came from outside the box. How did that one arise? Because of discussion about the merits or otherwise of playing a ?long-ball? game. ?Nuff said.

We also heard of Graham?s theory that when it comes to 2006, the current England squad will be at the optimum age to have a chance of actually lifting the World Cup trophy. He reckoned that research had shown past winning sides to be in the 28 or 29 year age-bracket, and a good many of our lot will be about there come two years hence: all experienced players by then, they would have an average of between 30 and 40 caps. Sven Goran Eriksen? Graham reckoned if, as rumoured in the media, he did quit England to take the Chelsea managerial post, then he?d be disappointed; as far as he was concerned, the current incumbent, Ranieri, was going a damned good job there. There was other stuff about the quality of referees ? yes, that old chestnut! ? and what he was doing now, but as Graham responded to each question in great length, to do so would mean this piece using up an awfully-large number of bytes.

A bloody good night, it has to be said, and, as ever, the post-discussion ?eats? were there in abundance. I particularly recommend the ham sandwiches; as my old mum would have said, ?Cowin? bostin!? Oh, and come the conclusion of proceedings, your truly was there to record The Old Fart posing with Mr. Taylor for photographic posterity. Which brings me to another interesting point: in order to add that of the ex-England boss to his already-ginormous autograph collection, our venerable co-editor brought along with him a small portion of his voluminous scrap-book, and it was while I was idly perusing said object I spotted ?it? ? and I think I actually recoiled in pure horror at the sight! What caused my hair to lift aloft in such an alarming manner, might you ask? Simple: the charming spectacle of The Old Fart brazenly posing with ?Miss Aston Villa?, that?s what!

On to some other Baggies-related subjects, now, namely some news hot from Denmark. ? if anything from that frozen country can be described as ?hot? at this time of year! According to our Scandinavian correspondent Stian Boe ? sounds impressive, doesn?t it, but, yes, we genuinely do have someone out there keeping their lughole well and truly cocked on our behalf! - Clive Stapleton has now left Herf?lge and has instead put money into their local rivals (and possible merger companion). We?ve also learned Matt Turner was apparently in talks with Forest at the end of the year. What?s been decided, I don?t know as yet; anyone based in Nottingham know any more? Mark Briggs is also being released from his contract by mutual agreement after being told he was not a part of the manager?s plans.

As of Wednesday evening, Bradford finally agreed a deal to sign Ronnie Wallwork from us. Apparently, he?s agreed terms over a one-month loan deal at Valley Parade and is set to join in time to make his debut this weekend against Crystal Palace. Quite a turn-around for the chap who was loudly trumpeted by Fergie as being the best bargain-basement free-transfer signing any Nationwide club could make a season ago. Naturally, when we swooped, we all thought we?d landed ourselves a gem; unsurprisingly, really, as the popular presumption is that players who can?t cut it at Old Trafford generally fail to do so for reasons which bear no reflection whatsoever on their playing skills, and can therefore find successful employment elsewhere with ease. Unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, Mr. Wallwork?s career with us to date seems to have been distinctly-underwhelming. And yet, despite a succession of reserve team performances that left most watchers totally unmoved, the lad was picked for the first team squad on more than one occasion, and over the heads of those with much more impressive claims for the managerial nod! What hasn?t helped either is his seeming aloofness towards our supporters, something we discovered on this season?s Denmark tour. Not even constant chants of ?Ronnie Wallwork!, Ronnie Wallwork!? to the well-known ?Tom Hark? tune could manage to crack that permanently grim visage ? although he did manage what we suspect was a gallant attempt right after the last game, following a concerted effort on the part of our faithful to achieve our heart?s desire!

There must have been quite a few sighs of relief in the Albion camp when we finally offloaded Lee Marshall to Hull for a month on loan. First it was ?off? then it was ?on?. Confusing, or what? Could be a very good move indeed for the lad, as the Humberside outfit are currently flying high in the Third, and have great expectations indeed of reaching the Second ere the start of summer. Lee will, of course, be playing for Peter Taylor, who signed him at Leicester and who Marshall, presumably, knows he gets on with. Let?s hope that the move will give his career sufficient impetus to get it back on track once more. No-one likes to see a perfectly able player languishing in the reserves, least of all myself, as not only does it represent unrealised hopes and dreams for the player concerned, looking at it from a pragmatic point of view, it also means an awful lot of ackers gone down the gurgle, and unnecessarily so, in my opinion. Last night, at the Sutton Branch meeting, someone expressed similar sentiments, then said to me, ?Let?s hope that?s the end of all the nastiness now they?ve (Marshall and Roberts) both gone.?

My reply? ?I agree, sure, but it wouldn?t surprise me at all if the same thing doesn?t happen, say, six months or a year further down the line, and with yet another player?? The moral of the story? Watch this space, although tomorrow we will be seeing him in action once more, and this time, for Hull: they?re playing Cheltenham Town, which means there will be an ex-Albion presence on both sides. The other? Why, SuperBob, of course!

Following those recent remarks about Jason Roberts not being able to sign his name correctly when putting in that transfer request last season, we?ve now heard the other side of the tale: According to the player?s own website, the name he was born with was Jason Robert, which was the name written on the transfer request. However, as Jason himself said, because having Robert as a second name had always sounded a bit like having two first names, everyone in his family always referred to themselves as ?Roberts?. People had always called him Roberts anyway, so he reckoned it was just easier to leave things like that.

There was a little more from the former Baggie, so I?ll simply finish by quoting what was said verbatim: ?I must say I laughed when he (Megson) stated that I'd spelt my name wrong when I put a transfer request in at West Brom last season. It's pathetic really. And his bully-boy tactics have never scared me. He should have looked at the facts before trying to make me look stupid. Because I have become so used to being known as Jason Roberts I'm happy to be referred to by either version of my second name and that is why you'll see the name Roberts on the back of my shirt and elsewhere. Anyway, the only person that needs to worry about my surname now is Paul Jewell when he's writing it on the team sheet.?

A quick note for any Baggies residing in the north west, and who fancy a look at our kids. Yesterday afternoon, I had a phone call from a close friend of ours who just happens to be a Blackburn Rovers nut, and he tells me that the FA Youth Cup game between their kids and ours will now be played on the 28th of January, not the 26th, as we'd previously thought, and at Morecambe and not Ewood Park, kick-off 7 pm. I've been told this info has come right from the Blackburn Academy, so it's odds-on it's kosher. We?ll be going there ourselves to take in the old briny, and see the kids in action by way of a bonus, so I?m hoping that there will be a good sprinkling of Northern Baggies there as well. A splendid bunch, all of ?em, and jolly good company, may I say; if there are, then I?m sure a pre-match rendezvous in a suitably-convivial local hostelry can be arranged with minimal trouble. The idea is, we?ll be staying the night, then, come the morn, heading off to Manchester and a butchers at the not long opened Imperial War Museum North.

And finally?.. A serious one, for a change! It may be a bit mercenary and cynical, and at times bear more resemblance to a bunch of rats scrapping it out in a barrel than a sport beloved of many, this football lark, but the other night, I saw a tale that really warmed the cockles of my cholesterol-ridden heart. As you may recall recently, three of us Dick Eds, ?Im Indoors, The Fart and myself, made the long journey to cash-strapped Darlington to watch them versus high-riding Hull City. I can?t rightly remember whether I mentioned it at the time, but a prominent feature of our pre- match perambulations were the numbers of Darlo supporters frantically waving buckets under our noses, and all eager to get us parting with some of our loot. The reason? They?re currently in administration, and in some danger of folding, therefore it comes as no surprise to read they?re holding a fund-raiser this Sunday, all proceeds to that troubled North East club. Lots of big names have volunteered to play, but one we know all-too well, and that?s our very own Greegs, and bloody well done to him for mucking in to help his old club ? he didn?t have to do it, but he has - in its hour of need.

According to the Albion website, others signed up to turn out in aid of The Quakers are Bryan Robson, Kenny Dalglish, Ally McCoist, Paul Gascoigne, and Peter Beardsley. Greegs, when asked about the matter, said, ?It?s sad to see them in trouble. They gave me my chance in League football and I, like the rest of the former Darlington lads, will do anything we can to help.? The game kicks off at one, apparently, and if any of those reading this come from that part of the world, you could do worse than take a trip to their ground, and not only watch our very own lad in action, you?ll be doing something to help a friendly little Third Division club out of a very nasty hole.

 - Glynis Wright

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