The Diary

15 January 2004: Goodbye Jase and Deech, Hello.....?

So Jason Roberts has now departed for the place so beloved of George Orwell and music-hall comedians, and for a fee believed to be ?1.4 million now, rising to a possible ?2 million depending upon appearances? What with the ?200K allegedly paid by Pompey for his loan services, it would appear that Albion managed to extract the very best out of what was a very bad business indeed. Or rather, Jeremy Peace did. It certainly didn?t surprise us Dick Eds that Jason wanted out; he told us pre-season he didn?t want to return to the club, for reasons I?ve already explored at great length in previous offerings. My only surprise lay in how long it took to finally engineer a move. Personally, I regard it as our loss; differences of opinion apart, there was a certain ?something? about Jason?s style of play that set him apart from the average First Division striker,and some more well-known Premiership ones as well. Let?s just hope we don?t come to regret it in the months to come.

At least some of what we?d been saying for a considerable amount of time has now come out in the wash; in his press statement, West Brom chairman Jeremy Peace said that Jason Roberts did not want to return to The Hawthorns after his loan spell at Portsmouth, and just in case anyone thinks I?m telling porkies, here it is, chapter and verse: "Jason's representatives made it absolutely clear to me he had no desire whatsoever to come back at any time," said Peace, after the Grenadan international signed on for Wigan. Roberts, who joined Albion for ?2.1m from Bristol Rovers in 2001, had a major bust-up with manager Gary Megson and vowed never to play under him again. The words of both Jeremy Peace and the press, not mine. I rest my case.

I do sincerely hope that Jason manages to get his career back on track with the Lancashire club, although, on the face of it, I certainly wouldn?t regard it as a ?career move?. Taking the purely-pragmatic view of Wigan?s future prospects, although the salary may be broadly similar to that received at both our place and at Pompey ? I?ve no way of really knowing what was up for grabs, of course ? from here on in, Jason will be turning out for a club that manages on gates around half of what we get, limited prospects of promotion to the Prem, and even if they did emulate what we achieved two seasons ago, just like us, they?d be straight back down, no doubt about it. I?m now wondering if that move?s just a small part of the bigger picture; if Jason can make a go of the Wigan transfer, maybe he has designs of subsequently being picked up by another Premiership side needing a striker?

Talk of his making a decent fist of his new job brings me to another subject that?s reared its ugly head in the wake of discussion centring around our former striker?s departure: his forthcoming visit to The Shrine, but in Latics colours, this time. Just in case you didn?t know, the game?s scheduled for March 16th, and my principal worry is that the Brummie (or its Smethwick End equivalent) will then take it into their collective heads to boo the guy unmercifully. Already I?ve seen postings on the mailing-list and elsewhere from people who think this would be a good idea, but I think otherwise. It always completely escapes my comprehension, but why is it that so many normally-rational and sensible people think that giving a former player the ?bird? at our place will put them off to such an extent, they?ll have a ?mare?? In my experience, doing such a thing is totally-counterproductive; it simply impels the wronged party to greater efforts to enable his side to completely wipe the smile off the faces of our own supporters. Examples? Well, there?s our old friend Peschisolido for a start. I?ve lost count of the number of times we?ve insulted him, and he?s then gone on to throw those insults back into our faces ? and in the best possible way, by finding the back of the net, and in rather spectacular fashion, sometimes. Moving away from our prodigals for a moment, what about the ?reception? we gave then West Ham ?keeper David James last season? Before the start, he?d been regarded as little more than a joke by our lot; goaded by all the jeers, he then went on to turn in one of the best performances in goal I?ve seen in a long time, and certainly was a major factor in The Hammers bringing home all three points that day. There?s also another consideration to take into account when we do play Wigan; whatever we supporters do, cheer, boo, or drop a cluster bomb on the team coach, there will be one sure-fire motivational factor present which will no doubt ensure Jason gives his all for his newly-acquired cause: it?s ours, partly-bald, what?s left at the back is ginger, it usually stands on or around the boundary of the technical area, and it chews gum and shouts a lot. ?Nuff said, I think.

It?s been quite a month for departing strikers; Danny Dichio headed for the bright lights of London on Tuesday after Millwall agreed a one-month loan deal for the lad. He will be at The New Den until February 9. DD has, of course, been out of action since the Bradford City game on December 9, having undergone a hernia operation. It?s not the first time he?s been loaned out, of course; having failed to score for the Baggies, he spent a month with Derby earlier in the season, and this seemed to give his Albion career something of a fillip, as on his return, although he still couldn?t find the net, he then turned in some of the best football I?ve ever seen him play for the Baggies. Presumably Deech is another Baggie we?ll be saying arriverderci to before many moons have come and gone over the top of the East Stand; a shame, that, because despite his limitations, he not only helped us gain promotion, he also managed to bang in a few Premiership goals for us as well. Oh well, our loss will be Millwall?s gain, I suppose.

What with Jason Roberts heading up the M6, and Deech going the other way to Millwall, albeit temporarily, presumably, this means we?re in the hunt for a proven goalscorer again. Many is the name I?ve seen bandied around via the electronic miracle of the Net today, some possible, some downright improbable, and some whose chances of wearing an Albion shirt look about as likely as George W. Bush doing a U-turn on further military adventures, and genuinely chucking the lot into landing a human being on Mars instead. Unsurprisingly, there?s quite a heated discussion going on right now about the relative merits of these gentlemen at the moment. Never mind, though, on one thing we all agree: whoever the successful applicant may be, although a good goalscoring record will be a prime requirement for the post, it will be a distinct advantage if: a) the candidate can also demonstrate the ability to receive and control the ball following its rapid descent from near sub-orbital altitudes, and: b) occasionally track back in defence ? oh, sod it, track back and help the defence out a lot. Er, what was that, again? OK, I?ll amend that once more, track back in defence, stay in our own half most of the game, and if the wind?s in the right direction and my stars say it?s OK, occasionally take the ball into their half of the field, and yes, I promise, scout?s honour ? only occasionally, and only if I don?t get too many scowls from the dug-out!

Better late than never, I suppose. Remember that booking The Horse received for alleged ?diving? in the box at the fag-and of the first half in Friday?s local derby versus Walsall? Well, come last Monday night, the club website confirmed that Barry Knight, the ref for that game, had since looked at the video replay of the incident that led to that sudden flash of yellow on his part, and was now happy to rescind the booking. Fair play to him for putting his hands up and admitting he?d got it wrong, and, as we?d won anyway, no lasting harm was done by his refusal to award what was a bang-to-rights penalty, but the trouble is, as ever, the damage is already done. Not to the club, of course, but to the credibility of League refs in general. You didn?t need to be a psychiatrist to work out, by the reaction of the crowd at half-time, the fact ours had stuffed up in a particularly spectacular way. Perhaps (as per my comments post-Arsenal) we should all be charitable once more, and say the game is now becoming so complex, referees need the reaction-times of super-heroes, not to mention the wisdom of Solomon, to instantaneously assess incidents, then come up with the correct decision. Time for the FA to take another look at the merits of introducing modern technology into the beautiful game, methinks.

Phil Summers in sunny Oz informed me on Sunday night that former Baggie Sean Murphy scored two goals last Saturday for the Perth Glory, they won 2 nil. Good on Sean for making his mark on Aussie football so early in his new incarnation Down Under; as I told you recently, the reason the lad moved back down there in the first place was because his wife was so seriously ill. Let?s hope the warmer climate has proven more congenial to her eventual recovery and that Sean goes from strength to strengthin this new facet of his career.

And finally? ?Only The Dingles?, Part 1,700 (and counting!). People living locally will have seen already what I am about to relate, but for the benefit of those readers who live in far-flung places (Tipton?) here?s yet more incontrovertible proof that those who hail from Wolverhampton really are a few Oxo cubes short of a beef casserole. The preamble over, let me set the scene. The date? Friday the 9th of January. The time? 11 am. The location? Wolverhampton?s main crematorium, well, the chapel foyer, actually, and a funeral ceremony about to be held there. What happened next? Check this one out:

Believe it or not, at the time, date and place stated, the aforementioned Crem was the scene of an undignified mass brawl that broke out between groups of mourners about to pay their last respects to the deceased. Wreaths were sent flying, a funeral director?s car (still in use!) was totally trashed, and the shocked Crem staff had no alternative but to run for cover; incredibly, they only managed to do this by squeezing the coffin through the chapel doors pretty sharpish, following, then locking the door behind them! And that wasn?t all. The police then had to be called to restore order, but astonishingly, the service still went ahead, but much later, and with a sizeable police presence on the premises well before the start to ensure order, which, if nothing else, must be a ?first? for the funeral business. TV comedy script-writers wouldn?t have dared look at it; ?too far fetched?, they would have said. Dysfunctional? Absolutely barking? I rest my case. And before you ask ? no, I didn?t make that lot up, mainly because I wouldn?t have the nerve to try it on with you! It?s all on the E and S site, so if you want to know more, have a butchers there.

 - Glynis Wright

Contact the Author

Diary Index