The Diary

03 January 2004: Radio Goo-Goo, or Radio Ga-Ga?

The airwaves have been positively humming tonight, and the cause of all this activity over the ether isn?t all that hard to deduce if you are an Albion supporter. I haven?t listened to a certain local radio station?s phone in for yonks now (the reasons as to why I?m now a refusenik I?ll gladly supply you on application), but according to my sister tonight, the vast majority of the calls were concerned with The Topic That Dare Not Speak Its Name ? and boy, were there some angry supporters out there. Apparently, one in particular became so emotional about the whole issue, you could practically visualise the great gouts of steam coming out of his lugholes even as he spoke. The Fart also contributed to the debate, apparently, which puzzled me for a while, until ?Im Indoors filled me in on what had transpired when I was ill.

What I hadn?t known was that the evening prior to the Coventry game, The Fart had voluntarily terminated our self-imposed embargo on that programme by engaging once more in meaningful dialogue with the presenter concerned - apparently he?d wanted to know what had happened to ?all the moaning fanzine editors?, not his exact words, but close enough ? and El Tel had duly phoned him up on-air ?to put things straight? about one or two issues, including the knock-on effects of certain things said by this gentleman about us and our publication. ?Nuff said, and interesting to hear from my sister that this gentleman?s previous somewhat bellicose on-air stance now seems to have softened somewhat.

Turn the dial to a rival station, and there was exactly the same sort of debate in progress, and a heated one it was, at times. Once more, the same topic was foremost in everyone?s thoughts, as it currently is on the various Albion-related internet groups, as well. Bear in mind, the question that?s now on everyone?s lips has nothing whatsoever to do with anything I?ve said or done recently, and it?s nothing to do with the fanzine, either. As you all know by now, after all the pre-match bother both we, contributors, and other sellers encountered, we made the conscious decision not to mention this person by name or whatever in any of the media into which we customarily dip our toes, including our own. Just like the first neutron in the chain-reaction that sets off an atomic blast, following the awfulness of those last few games, the whole thing seems to have spread across the area by a similarly-explosive process, and the results are about as unpredictable. It?s ironic that all the discussion we?re hearing right now is a re-run of all the questions we were posing in our fanzine and elsewhere earlier in the season ? and being shot down in flames as well for daring to speak such heresy - so that should give those of you living far away a pretty fair idea of what?s being said.

How will it all end? My guess is we?re entering into a pretty decisive period in the club?s history right now. When I discussed this and various other related issues with him earlier this evening, ?Im Indoors didn?t really agree with me on this, but the way I see it, should we dip tomorrow, and badly, the financial implications of an early Cup exit might just be enough to provide the necessary impetus for Something To Be Done. Should we fail the following Friday night versus Walsall ? the game?s on Sky, so our embarrassment would be witnessed by pretty much the whole nation - then I reckon what?s currently just a heated debate will turn into a positive clamour.

Incidentally, here?s some more food for thought. Turn the clock back to New Year, 1992. Albion going great guns at the top of the (then) Third Division, then not long after that, we hit an almighty slump. The only way we seem to know how to play is by employing the long-ball approach, which not only gives many supporters stiff necks, necessitating many visits to their respective GP?s for appropriate medication, they?re also complaining bitterly it?s boring and not ?The Albion Way? at all. The decline continues unabated (as does the debate, and very heated it was, too!) until it gets to such a pretty pass - remember those post-match demonstrations, folks? - the board finally cotton on that unless drastic changes are made both on and off the pitch, not only will we be consigned to the lower reaches for a long, long time, but the only people bothering to turn up to watch us play will be the strolling moggies from the adjacent housing estate, so boring is the current fare. Sound familiar?

Talking of related subjects, it?s interesting to note that Albion have now refused permission for Jason Roberts to turn out for Pompey in their Cup tie. Don?t expect to see him haring hot-foot back up the M40 to The Shrine, though; as Jason told us himself pre-season, in Denmark, there?s only one circumstance in which he?d contemplate ever playing for the club again, and that I?ll leave to your own good selves to work out. There may, though, be the possibility we?ve decided to sell him on, and, what?s more, found a buyer, and it wouldn?t do him or them any good if he were cup-tied, which would go a long way towards explaining what has happened. There is another possibility, but ? aw, you work that one out as well! As things stand, it?s looking very much as though we will be without both Greegs and AJ for tomorrow?s Walk In The Forest, Part Two. Both ended up needing the physio?s magic sponge ? or is it a can of freezing spray they employ to concentrate minds (and recalcitrant muscles) so wonderfully these days? ? during the Derby and Wimbledon games, and will very likely be sitting this one out. Mind you, the knock AJ sustained at Milton Keynes looked a particularly nasty version of the species, so I?m not at all surprised he won?t be participating in tomorrow?s Forest fun-fest. This now leaves us with the vexing problem of who goes into the side instead. Will the New Year?s excesses induce a sudden rush of blood to a certain someone?s head thereby causing such a profound mental change, Sakiri actually gets a start for once? Or will we simply plump for our previous insomnia-curing and mind-numbing mindset by sticking O?Connor in the vacant slot instead? A more likely prospect; as things stand, O?Connor could reduce half of West Bromwich to matchwood, ravage the Mayor?s daughter, drop his trousers in the High Street and moon at all the old biddies sitting on the benches there, declare undying love for Al Qaeda ? and still rate automatic first-team selection. Whoever does finally get the nod, we?ll also be boosted by the return of Bernt Hass following his suspension, also Paul Robinson following injury. Having said that, though, if you gave me the choice between Clem and Robinson, I know which of the two I?d prefer to see in that wing-back berth. No disrespect to Paul, but he?s been brought up by Watford to be a straight defender, a job he?s done successfully for them for a long while, and the art of covering all the necessary ground to be adept at the more penetrative role isn?t quite his bag as yet. James Chambo? Despite the fulsome praise he received for his performance on Tuesday night, how much do you want to bet me he?s out on his ear tomorrow? My prediction? Theoretically, we shouldn?t have too much bother with this one. If Forest were all at sea when we played them last, since then, their ship has well and truly floundered, so we should progress to the next round. The trouble is, though, it?s Albion we?re talking about and the normal laws of cause and effect don?t necessarily apply. Sod it, I?ll go for a narrow win, and to hell with the consequences.

And finally?. Normally, the night prior to an away fixture, I?d be in the business of churning out my ?alternative? version of the town?s history, famous sons and daughters etc, etc, but as I covered that ground so recently for our League meeting, I?m now at a complete loss as to what to do instead ? so I won?t. Instead, I?ll leave you with a story I picked up earlier today, and it concerns a certain Graham Williams, club captain of our 1968 Cup-winning side. In those days there simply wasn?t the massive media-hype and security we now associate with the trophy, so arrangements for guarding the thing were, shall we say, somewhat lax.

The year Albion won it, so many of our followers wanted to see the thing in the flesh, so to speak, at supporters? functions et cetera, and realising that the trophy would have to be stashed on a temporary basis elsewhere, sometimes, the club pondered at great length as to what to do ? then hit upon an ideal solution. Their answer? As both pot and players were the things most in demand, why not consign custody of the silverware to the club captain, who was the most senior of the lot, and, arguably, the most responsible? The idea was put to Graham Williams, and he readily agreed, and once the Cup had been brought out for the delectation of the adoring faithful at some function or another, it was then habitually stashed for safe keeping in the home of our club captain ? right underneath his bed.

Enter into the tale their small son, aged around 18 months at the time. He toddles into the bedroom one night, suddenly realises he needs to go urgently, sees the silvery pot all a-twinkle in its hidey-hole, and thinking it to be a potty instead, promptly lets his bladder contents go all a-tinkle right into its cavernous interior! Which, as Graham admitted today, is the principal reason why, whenever he sees victorious sides quaffing vintage champers from its depths these days, our hero always winces with embarrassment at the thought of what his son and heir 'deposited' all those years ago!

 - Glynis Wright

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