The Diary

20 December 2003: The Great Forest Green Turkey-Shoot!

A somewhat truncated one this time, as I?ve contracted the dreaded lurg from somewhere, and at present, it?s down to a late fitness test tomorrow. Annoying, as I went down to see my quack on an entirely different mission this afternoon, but the bug really got to me later on - at Forest Green?s ground, would you believe? And what was I doing there, you might ask? Simple, as mentioned, we decided to watch the Bulls play there ? and what a game. Seven-one to the visitors; it really was as emphatic as that. Forest Green were down to the bare bones, and had to loan in players, so desperate were they. The rout began in the first ten minutes when Hereford embarked upon a neat series of one-twos on the right, then crossed from the right wing across the face of goal ? Herefordians were literally queuing up for the ball as it whanged overhead. Paul Parry was the lad on the spot; he put it away, no messing, and it all went downhill for Forest Green from there.

By midway through the second half, it was an incredible seven, and Parry got his hat-trick, a nice little going-away present when he leaves cider country for the fleshpots of the Principality. Scuttlebutt is Cardiff are keen to sign him for around a hundred grand, so I?m told. I wonder whether we?ll be seeing a certain Lloyd Dyer head for cider-country by way of replacement? I know both Richard O?K and Graham Turner have been watching our reserves in action a lot recently, so it could well happen. Just one thing, though. I?ve seen Albion win eight-one at home (November 11th 1967, versus Burnley) and seven-one (versus Barnsley, 1990, I think), but I?ve never witnessed more than a five on the road. At least I think that?s the case; I?ve racked my brains, and the incredible 5-3 Man U win in 1978 is the only one I can come up with. Anyone else out there know better?

Apologies also to the good people of Nailsworth, by the way. In a previous diary entry, I referred to their bustling market town as a "village". Ooops! They still have the stocks in this part of the world , so I?m told, semi-obsolete, but still functional - and a mile or so out of town is the house of the infamous Judge Jefferies - and we're all familiar with HIS preferred method of "justice'. Thanks ? I think ? to Roy Tigwin for that little gem, and for telling me the error of my ways! Oh, and by the way, all the medical textbooks say piles are a non-life-threatening condition. Try telling that to those unfortunate sods who ended up on the receiving end of the judge?s wrath on those frequent occasions when they played him up. Very life-threatening indeed, I would have thought.

At last, a striker! The Horse has now been well and truly stabled at The Hawthorns, and typically, on a day when I?d decided to have a night off from diary duties. It cost us a million to change his registration with The Jockey Club, apparently, but he?s now had the once-over from the local vet, and his rider will in future wear the number 34 on his blue and white silks ? or am I getting confused with something I read in the ?Sporting Life? recently?

Seriously, though, I was quite surprised to read on the official website our new-bug had also turned out for Scarborough and Fulham. The fact he was a Halifax player in a former incarnation I was already aware of; I remember going to The Shay about six or seven years ago, when they were at home to Hereford, who were still in the League at that time. 3-0 to the home side was the final score ? and guess who had an absolute blinder up front, and did most of the damage to the poor Bulls? At least we?ll also have Messrs Koumas, Volmer and AJ in harness as well. All are now declared fit for Highfield Road; it?s just me that?s the bloody doubt! Forecast? I?m not in the mood to analyse too deeply right now; coughing and sneezing does disrupt one?s train of thought a tad, but I?ll stick my germ-laden neck out and go for a win.

A quick whip through Cov?s history and related stuff, then. In the Middle Ages, the place grew prosperous via the wool trade, and later became the major centre in England for the manufacture of watches, bikes, and then cars, of course. The city is also famous for its connections with Lady Godiva, and, of course, the wholesale demolition job the Luftwaffe did on the place during World War Two. The Lady Godiva thing? She was the wife of the Saxon king Leofric, and they both founded an abbey near the town in the early 12th century. The popular version of the story is that she agreed to ride through the streets of the town wearing only her long hair as part of a bargain with her husband, in which he agreed to reduce taxes on the populace if she would perform what would be known as a ?dare? today. Leofric, taking Godiva?s determination as a joke, proclaimed that if she would ride her horse through the crowded market-place of Coventry, in the full light of mid-day, in the buff, then he would reduce taxes on the populace, lifting from them the burden Godiva had complained about. To Leofric's absolute surprise, she agreed, once she had ensured that she actually had his "permission" to do so.

A day was chosen for the event, and while no particular effort had been expended to publicize the ride, talk of it had spread in whispers throughout the whole of Coventry. However, the marketplace's business proceeded as it might have done on any other less interesting Thursday in late August.

As noon approached, so did Lady Godiva. She was not alone, but was accompanied by two female aides also on horseback, but normally clothed; one rode on each side and slightly to the rear. Three horses walking on the cobbles in formation at a measured gait did not have the sound of the usual traffic and bustle, and so - since all were secretly and eagerly anticipating the event - her appearance was announced clearly to everyone. She sat straight and properly in the saddle with a look of composure on her face; relaxed, confident, unashamed. Her hair was done in two large braids, which were curled snugly at the back of her head, one on each side; she wore no jewellery, or other adornment.

Only one person actually looked - the character we now know as Peeping Tom - but as he gave in to the temptation he was struck blind! See, I told you ? it really does make you go blind, so stoppit at once, do you hear!

Famous Coventry folkies? Other than the aforementioned, of course. Phillip Larkin, poet, Frank Whittle, who left school at fifteen, joined the RAF as a boy apprentice, worked his way up to a commission ? no easy feat pre-war - then went on to perfect the jet engine just in time to do battle with that nasty Mr. Hitler and his equally-repulsive habit of trashing perfectly good towns ? like Cov. Strange how things work out. The Germans perfected the jet engine for combat first ? the Luftwaffe?s version flew in 1939, but ours didn?t until 1941 ? but because of Hitler?s lack of interest in science, they never made proper use of the thing. A bit of an ?own goal?, really, as their version could whop the pants off anything we had in service at that time ? including The Gloster Meteor, our name for the RAF?s version. The Specials? No, not the police force of that name, the group. Their song, ?Ghost Town? perfectly encapsulated the mood of the nation around the time of the 1981 riots, and it?s for that dose of instant depression they?re principally remembered. From the sublime, then, to the downright ridiculous. Pete Waterman, of Stock Aitken and Waterman, the 1980?s song-penning trio, whose stuff always sounded to me like the musical equivalent of Mills and Boon. I wonder if their trashed records have ended up as landfill on the M6 Toll as well?

Here?s an unusual one for you ? Nathan Hall, the first American spy to be hung by the British during the War of Independence, in the late 1700?s. Originally hailing from Coventry, the move to The States ? he was a school teacher by trade ? certainly didn?t advance his career. Thespians? Howzabout Ellen Terry, actress and aunt to Sir John Gielgud, born 1847 and snuffed it 1928? And, last, but not least, Billie Whitelaw, whose principal claim to fame is she played the mother of the Kray Twins in the 1990 film of that name!

That?s Coventry in a nutshell, then. Never let it be said I let cultural standards slip on this column! That?s that, then. I?m now off to dose up on paracetamols and cough-medicine to the max. Hopefully, I?ll sweat it out before the morning, and declare myself fit again.

A quick ?and finally?. Yesterday, we went to see the final part of ?The Lord of The Rings? trilogy, and although well over three hours long, I?d recommend it to anyone. I genuinely think I?ve seen something which will become as much of a cinema classic as, say, Citizen Kane, or Gone With The Wind, in twenty or thirty years time, and loads of media studies bods all feverishly writing theses about it for their degrees. My only criticism? The final scenes are too drawn out, but the battle stuff is absolutely mind-blowing ? which brings me to another related subject. I?m told that the unemployment rate in Wolverhampton has diminished considerably recently, and now I know why. They were all shipped to New Zealand for use as extras in those battle scenes! Watch the film, especially Saruman?s lot, and you?ll see what I?m on about!

 - Glynis Wright

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