The Diary

16 December 2003: The Arse Cometh!

Just twenty four hours to go before The Big One, Baggie-folkies. It?s at times like these distant memories of Cup runs past rear foremost in my mind; I suppose playing a Stones album replete with golden oldies doesn?t exactly help either, but some of those lyrics bring back such fond memories of a time when everyone dreaded drawing us in any competition, I simply can?t help doing it. A hopeless case, I know, but that?s the way I am. As far as tomorrow?s line up is concerned, it?s looking as though we might not have Scouse Jase in action for us against The Gunners. Apparently, he missed training today because of a hamstring problem ? we did notice he looked distinctly uncomfortable at the end of the first half on Saturday ? and will have a fitness test tomorrow. The club have said if he?s not 100 per cent fit, they won?t risk him, and I have to say I do agree with them on that one. The League has to be our priority, first and foremost. The somewhat remote prospect of acquiring silverware to adorn our boardroom is a rather jolly and worthy thought, but if we achieve that aim at the expense ? literally, when you think about the possible implications of failure! ? of a place in the top-flight, then the victory would very likely prove to be a hollow one. As far as the rest are concerned, Paul Robinson is out, cup-tied, so will that mean a place in the sun for Big Dave, I wonder?

I suppose we should take it as a compliment of sorts; the word on the streets about The Arse?s line-up for tomorrow night?s Cup game is that Lauren, Keown, Edu, Parlour, Kanu, Wiltord, and Aliadiere are all expected to play. Bloody hell. No demeaning antics like those against the Dingles for our lot, then, so, Koumas or no Koumas, expect a rapid truncation of our hopes of silverware tomorrow night. Defender Lauren was due to undergo a fitness test today to decide whether he can return after his month-long absence because of suspension and a knee injury. The club reckon he has a 90 per cent chance of making it, but apart from that, all the names above look set fair to play. Their squad? Stack, Shaaban, Lauren, Keown, Clichy, Juan, Tavlaridis, Simek, Edu, Fabregas, Parlour, Thomas, Bentley, Smith, Skulason, Papadopulos, Owusu-Abeyie, Spicer, Kanu, Wiltord, Aliadiere. My final word after seeing that lot? Eeeek!

According to the official website, as of midday, around 5,000 tickets for the Arsenal thrash were still unsold, and unless there?s a stampede, it looks very much as though there will be a considerable proportion of those up for grabs when they go on general sale tomorrow morning. As I said yesterday, it?s probably the fact the game?s live, Christmas is coming up, and we?re on to a bit of a loser anyway, that?s preventing people from rushing the ticket office staff off their feet for this one. Oh, not forgetting the many ticketing cock-ups we?ve had for this game thus far, one way or another. Additionally, it now appears that Mr. Hass has well and truly got his fingers Bernt for that silly booking on Saturday; that one took him ?over the limit? so to speak, and a mandatory suspension will now kick in, for the Wimbledon away encounter, so it appears.

Oh, well, when you begin to compare the dubious delights of the National Hockey Stadium with the prospect of sitting that one out, I don?t suppose Bernt will be heard to complain too loudly about that one. As far as those elusive Wimbledon tickets are concerned, (see Diaries passim) I?m given to understand that they?re now on sale at the Shrine, so get ?em while they?re still smokin?. That?s assuming the twin attractions of a warm night by the telly and watching the game on Sky don?t prove too alluring, of course.

Meanwhile, what?s happening with The Horse? The latest is that both clubs have finally agreed a (stud?) fee, and it now remains for us to talk to the Head Groom about stabling costs, and for the local vet to pronounce him sound in both wind and limb. Sadly, because he was entered in a previous handicap chase, he won?t be eligible for tomorrow?s meeting, but assuming a visit to the blacksmiths isn?t required before the weekend, all being well, he?ll be running in the Nationwide Stakes at Coventry Racecourse on Saturday. His presence will be sorely needed; the formbook shows he scored seven goals in 16 outings for his previous owners, not a bad ratio at all.

An update from Shagger over the ticket business that vexed him so sorely over the weekend. He now tells me he finally got through to the ticket office yesterday - 45 mins on the phone, again! - but all is now well, and his application has been dealt with. He says he just didn?t get the confirmation. As he so wryly puts it, ?Silly me for worrying really, I should have more confidence in what has always been a well-oiled machine.... MY ARSE!?

Do I detect a hint of double-standards from our fine upstanding football club recently? Apparently, some poor souls were ejected for standing on Saturday, home supporters, according to what I?d heard. Interesting, that, as the vast majority of the Man United supporters present for our League Cup tie were seemingly allowed to stand for the duration of the match last week without any stewarding interference whatsoever on our part. In fact, I know they did precisely that, because I spotted them during the game, and commented to my other half about it. Just an oversight, or does the maxim ?What?s sauce for the goose, etc?.? cease to apply once our own less-illustrious followers try to do similar?

And finally?..One. I?m swinging on the horns of a right old dilemma at the moment, and it?s all the fault of my optician. Last Friday, I picked up my new pair of specs, bifocals, Reactolite lenses, the works, just the biz for watching games and scooting through Dick contributions during the interval, without having to rummage frantically in my bag for another pair. The trouble is, even though it?s been about 4 days since I collected them, I?m very reluctant to change them for my old ones. Why? Dead simple, and it all stems from those feelings of irrational superstition that grab everyone from time to time.

Not wishing to chance giving them a ?debut? versus Crewe, I left my new ones at home instead, and as you all know by now, assisted by a bloody great sticky dollop of the product Hartleys? is most famous for, we shared the points. Thereby lies the dilemma, folks. Suppose I wear my latest gig-lamps for the Arse game tomorrow night, and we lose? By shamelessly casting aside the faithful specs worn at every game, home and away this season thus far, would I be also (symbolically, at any rate), throwing away our continued good fortune? Conversely, if I leave things as they are, and we then reach the semi-final stage of the competition tomorrow night, does that mean I?m condemned to wear my current ones, different prescription and everything, for all eternity? A bit like an ocular version of the Ancient Mariner, if you like, and although there?s no albatross involved, just as cursed. Oooh, decisions, decisions.

Two. Watching tonight?s news, crammed full as it was with the thrill-packed account of Saddam Hussein?s capture, and possible trial, a thought suddenly struck me: with him completely out of the equation, who?s having his Arsenal ticket tomorrow night?

 - Glynis Wright

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