The Diary

09 December 2003: Balti, Brass Balls, And Bradford!

Right, then. Where do I start? Oh, yeah, the outside temperature, which is forecast to plunge to minus eight tonight, well-cold enough to send those brass monkey-balls a-clanging to the ground good and proper. Luckily, it?s set to get milder tomorrow, so you can all make the journey to Bradford safe in the knowledge that at least your family jewels will be left completely intact after the game, if not your frostbitten digits. Just as well, really, as their ground?s location, with its back-free away end, has to be one of the coldest spots on this planet; when that chill Yorkshire wind starts nipping in from the moors, household pets run for the warmth of the hearth, and only drunkards and certifiable lunatics brave the resultant icy chill.

Still, there are loads of curry and balti houses in the city centre ready-made for the purposes of administering prophylaxis, vindaloo-style; a joke, really, as genuine Indian curries are never made to that ferociously-hot recipe, only Brits seem to like it that way. It?s a hangover from the days of the Raj when that form of curry was much in demand by the military garrisons out there. As they say, the customer is always right, but, as The Noise would say, there you go. Which brings me nicely to my usual potted history of our next away destination.

They weren?t at all impressed with Bradford in 1066; The Lord of the Manor only valued the entire place at four pounds troy weight in silver, and this negative view was reinforced in 1070, when William The Conqueror completely trashed the place. Why? I?ve no idea. Things did look up for the locals, though, and in the 12th. century, the right to have a market there was granted, and not long after that, monks began to work iron found on their land. By the 12th century, the first woollen weaver had set up shop, and the population stood at some 650 people. Trouble was, those pesky Scots came from over the border wrecking the place. Not much different to today, really.

1342 saw the first mention of the dyeing and tanning industry which was to become one of the mainstays of the local economy, but The Black Death put the dampener on things for a while ? the population dropped to only 325 hardy and (presumably!) germ-proof souls. Once the country had recovered from the epidemic, Bradford never looked back. The weaving and leather industry grew, with only marginal disruption from the Civil War and the battle of nearby Marston Moor, and by 1740, Bradford started to get modern with its first attempt at a water supply. Four years later, they also got religion in a big way, when John Wesley, founder of Methodism, visited the place.

From then on in, the place just grew and grew; the Leeds Bradford Canal opened for business in 1774, and by 1781, the population had mushroomed to an astonishing 4,700, courtesy of the nascent Industrial Revolution, but that brought Luddite riots, against newly-installed steam engines to drive the mills, in its wake. By 1810, the city had a 13,000 population and, yes, the Luddites were still at it! Despite their attentions, more and more mills opened, and by the 1840?s, the Leeds-Bradford Railway was declared open for business. The Victorian age saw further rapid expansion, both in the city and in its industries, all centred on the wool trade, and by the end of the century, the population stood at 183,032 good Bradfordians and true, electricity had come to town for the first time, as did the first motor car, red flag in front and all, and there were also 53 collieries in the area.

The 20th century? 1908 saw the advent of electric street lighting for the first time, and in 1914, the First and Second Battalions of the ?Bradford Pals? were formed just in time to partake of a little four-year jaunt into France. People sometimes ask what became of the Pals Battalions, so I?ll tell you what happened. The Battle Of The Somme happened to the Pals Battalions; over 2,000 men from the city took part in the initial assault on July 1st, and only 323 survived. Because of the nature of the beast, local recruitment amongst like-minded people, those gone were friends, relatives, workmates, parents, boyfriends, so the loss was felt keenly in the city, a whole generation wiped out in around ten solid minutes of German machine-gun fire.

Since then, of course, the nature of the town has changed completely. After the end of the Second World War, the wool industry was decimated by the cheaper production of similar goods abroad, also the rise in production of Egyptian cotton. This led to much unemployment, especially among those many immigrants from the Asian subcontinent brought in to work the looms. Today, Bradford is more well-known for its curries ? see above ? and the Museum of Film and TV, also its University.

Famous Bradfordians? Lots. Sir Titus Salt was one; a wealthy mill-owner with a conscience, he was the Yorkshire equivalent of the Cadbury family. He built a town, Saltaire, especially for his workers, represented the borough in Parliament, and died mid 19th century. And, should you feel that the female of the species is under-represented here, there?s also Barbara Castle, former Labour MP and Minister Of Transport in the sixties. She?s best known for the introduction of the breathalyser to the world of motoring, a move which invited much vituperation from the right-wing press on her head at the time, but much later wrought a complete change in public attitudes to drink-driving. David Hockney? He?s the bloke that made his name drawing and painting pictures of wild animals; most people remember him for the elephant print that still adorns some living-rooms. J.B. Priestly? A broadcaster and writer, especially around the time of World War 2; he wrote ?The Good Companions? a book that?s a standard text for GCSE students these days. Oh, and just to finish on a bit of a ghoulish note ? The Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Sutcliffe!

Tomorrow?s game. Hmmm. They?ve now got Bryan Robson at the helm, and will be keen to impress the new gaffer, but they?re also dangling rather too close to the brink than is good for them, which might also put them on the rebound. If we can?t get a result from this we must need shooting, but caution should be the watchword because they recently beat Millwall 3-2 after going 2-0 down, and on their own turf, as well. As Greegs will be out through suspension, the line-up at the back will change ? will Big Dave, who didn?t figure at all at the weekend, or Chambo J., possibly, be our secret weapon? - but the main worry will revolve around our lack of strikers. The E and S report tonight that Deech may well need a hernia op. Presumably, in the absence of better options, Dobes and Hulse will go up front, and Sakiri as sub, but, speaking personally, I wouldn?t entirely rule out the sudden and totally-unannounced appearance of Hughsie on the bench. My prediction? A narrow win that keeps us well and truly in pole position. Whatever happens tomorrow night, at least my nerves will be in a somewhat less-shredded state than the last time we made the trip to Valley Parade!

As far as efforts to secure a decent striker are concerned, it seemed that all the smart money was going on The Horse (The Fart is still adamant that his source was on the level in saying Albion had made official moves for the bloke), but another candidate has now emerged from the shadows, a Danish lad called Morten Skoubo, age 23, who is currently at Borussia Monchengladbach. According to our superbly well-informed Danish correspondent, Stian Boe, his former Danish club was FC Midtjylland, who we beat 2-0 in the last of the summer pre-season Danish friendlies. He scored 19 league goals in 2001/02 and was then sold on to the German club. Stian also tells us he scored 4 in 5 in Borussia?s end to the season this spring, so at least he knows where the net is. From what I can gather, Borussia are keen for him to go out on loan for the rest of the season to get more first-team experience. Personally, being young, and with a goalscoring record like the one outlined above, I would say he?d be a far better bet than Horsfield. As all Danes speak English as a matter of routine, and we have Thomas Gaardsoe here anyway, settling-in and lingo problems would be minimal. One thought, though ? if we do get him and he bangs one in, no prizes for guessing what the chant will be with a surname like that!

And finally?. One. Many thanks to John Bayliss for correctly pointing out that the last time the FA Cup draw reverted back to its traditional Monday lunchtime slot was two seasons ago! And here was me thinking it was last time round! Apologies to everyone, methinks, and a sharp rap over the knuckles for myself. As John so pertinently pointed out, by the time the balls emerged from the black baize, we were all at Tottenham freezing important parts of our anatomy off pre-match! I should have remembered it also, as that Sunday afternoon, before commencing selling duties, we?d primed The Fart to crank up his portable steam radio, and let us know the minute the announcer cut to FA HQ!

Two. Watching the celebrations and victory parade held in honour of the World Cup-winning England rugby team this afternoon, when the procession reached Trafalgar Square, and all those masochistic but merry people bathing in freezing fountains, a cheeky thought suddenly struck me. Good, very good ? but it wasn?t half as good as the one we had in Oldbury town centre, a couple of years ago!

 - Glynis Wright

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