The Diary

08 December 2003: Out Of The Striking Woods For Forest?

Welcome, once more, to that time of year when I sit on our sofa giggling helplessly, while I watch a grown man?s nerves reduced to shreds by the horrific images conjured up for him by the magic of TV. (Appropriately enough, it?s also the anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbour by naughty and sneaky Japanese planes in 1941. Now, they just manufacture Nintendo games in quantity for consumption by American kids, and do it by stealth; had they thought of that one sixty years ago, they could have saved everyone a load of bother.) Our moggies, sensible furry creatures that they are, invariably exit the room with a rapidity matched only by the Space Shuttle leaving its launch pad, and take up residence by our upstairs landing radiator, safe in the knowledge that although the noises coming from below are somewhat alarming, they are in no personal danger whatsoever. Yep, it?s FA Cup Third Round Draw day ? and don?t I know it.

Last year, the FA reverted to the time-honoured principle of fishing their balls out of their bags on Monday lunchtime, thereby conjuring up distant schoolday memories of smuggling in my faithful old ?tranny?, and finding a listening-place relatively safe from interference by overzealous prefects and teaching-staff. Given a marginally-depressing day and the manifestation of acute nostalgia symptoms, I can still remember the time we pulled Colchester United out of the 3rd Round hat the season we won the blasted thing, and the almighty row I landed in when some unspeakable creature with pure Dingle in their DNA and evil on their mind grassed me up. These days, my sole worry revolves around my other half doing something damaging to the heart and/or major blood vessels as he awaits the emergence of ?our? ball from the Stygian void within, but the sheer anticipation is still guaranteed to get the old adrenaline levels pumping, and the nerves all a-twitch. See? Some things never change.

Anyway, enough of all that fal-de-rol, and onto the main business: because the whole unpleasant business has now reverted to the Sabbath once more, we now know our fate, which is our Third Round future is distinctly Forest-shaped. My first reaction? Like Humphrey Bogart, in Casablanca: ?Of all the bars in all the world, you have to show up?..? etc. etc. Well, I mean, we only sent ?em packing a week ago, didn?t we? But then, rationality reasserted itself; their place is only about an hour and a bit?s worth of motoring time away, we know the ground all-too well, the natives are relatively friendly, we know all the best parking and drinking-places, we?ll get a decent allocation of tickets for this one (FA Cup rules are slightly different, and infinitely more generous, than those of the League), and, rightly or wrongly ? black thoughts of a possible fixture pile-up when we?d least want one loom here - I consider it one we stand a reasonable chance of winning. On the whole, not bad: after all, it could have been the North East, or, horror of horrors, bloody Cardiff, or Millwall. Or even The Dingles, although they?ll probably have their work cut out trying to get past their own opponents, Kiddy Harriers, at Aggborough. As we Baggies all know to our cost, that sort of tie is so riddled with banana-skins, Harry Belafonte should be invited to sing on the pitch for them, pre-match.

The distraction of the FA Cup is all very well, but there?s still the bread-and-butter business of the League to think about, which means, of course, a rapid answer to our current striker-shortage. There?s still no word from the club as to how serious Danny Dichio?s groin problem is ? they suspect a hernia ? but even looking at the best-case scenario, a strain, he?s going to be out of contention, or doubtful, for Tuesday. The Fart, bless his Crimea campaign medals, reckons he spoke to someone yesterday who told him personally that Wigan?s Geoff Horsfield was very interested indeed in coming here, but I?d be very surprised if that one was a ?goer?. After all, it hasn?t been all that long since the Lancashire club flashed the cash for the bloke. In any case, I also saw another post declaring that ?The Horse? was currently under the care of the local veterinary surgeon ? and you know what they say, never look a ?gift Horse? in the mouth! Sorry, I?ll get me coat for slinging that one at you. Seriously, though, I can?t see him being any better than the strikers we currently have on our books. There has been talk of us doing a swop deal, Greegs for The Horse, or Ellington, even, but when you consider we paid much more for Greegs than Wigan did for their equine friend, that sort of deal wouldn?t be a fair swap, would it? I?d be much more impressed should we seriously go for Darren Huckerby, who is reputed to be one of those on our ?wish-list?. Peter Crouch? Don?t laugh, his name has also come into the frame of late. Like Huckerby, he?s certainly been of tremendous nuisance-value to Norwich ? remember how his presence on the pitch gave us a bad attack of the ?heebie-jeebies? when we played the East Anglian club a few weeks back? ? and, should the worst come to the lightning-flash, we could always use his beanpole-figure to divert all that excess natural megawattage away from The Shrine!

Wresting one or the other from the clutches of their respective permanent clubs may not be such a difficult proposition than it might first seem. ?Im Indoors tells me that Crouch?s loan spell is now up, and Norwich have returned him to the Land Of Deadly Doug because they can?t continue paying his wages; don?t forget Carrow Road?s capacity has been cut by about a third this term due to building work on a new stand, and this has impacted severely upon their finances. Huckerby? He?s going back to Man City in seven days, same reason. Unless they do miraculously come up with sufficient moolah to retain either/both players, expect The Canaries? promotion wings to be severely clipped before long. Getting one or the other to throw in their lot with us instead would not only increase greatly our striking options, for the above reason, it would severely dent Norwich?s prospects of being in the final mix-up when it matters.

There is another way out of our current dilemma I?ve deliberately left until last, because it?s by far and away the most contentious of the lot, and that?s to give Hughsie a recall. Yes, it?s a serious thing he?s alleged to have done, and no-one is more acutely aware than me (and him, I suspect; his face the other day when he left Coventry Magistrates Court spoke volumes) of the fact that a grieving family will have an empty place at their Christmas dinner table this year, but under British law, the guy is innocent until proven guilty beyond all reasonable doubt, and further Crown Court proceedings won?t be taking place until February next, so Lee will be left kicking his heels until that time. It wouldn?t be an easy decision for anyone to make, I?m acutely aware of that, but it would do Lee far more good to be involved in the game than sitting at home dwelling upon what might have been. Is my suggestion a move too far for the club given that the whole awful incident still remains fresh in people?s minds? To some, playing Lee again would seem tantamount to giving Al Capone a charitable donation, and that?s an emotion I can readily understand, but it wouldn?t surprise me at all to discover the club have been exploring that option also. It wouldn?t exactly be a pleasant experience for Lee, either; because of the charges hanging over his head, Lee would be easy pickings for every home-end in the country, not to mention vindictive opponents, and this could well reflect adversely on his game. Again, it?s a judgment-call, I?m bloody glad I don?t have to make.

And finally?.. I?ve been admonished in no uncertain terms by our Antipodean cousins ? that means you, George Holland of Brisbane, the man who does the best breakfast on the East Coast! - recently for saying that Woolangong Wolves hang out in Queensland. Sorry, blue, for that bit of geographical embarrassment; they do their thing in New South Wales, not the warmer bits of Oz, and according to my informant, they?re only about 90 minutes drive (or ?boing?, if you?re a kangaroo) away from good old Sydney ? so that?s told me, hasn?t it? Having said that, all the info about Jason Van Blerk is still on the level, and I anticipate further updates from Down Under on his progress before too long.

 - Glynis Wright

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