The Diary

03 December 2003: Carling Cup Comments

Here I am, back again, and raring to go for tomorrow night?s League Cup tryst with Man Urinal. Oh ? and feeling virtuous as well, because, for once, we?ve managed to complete all our Crimble shopping well before the appointed day. While we were at Merry Hill today we also went into The Gadget Shop ? fatal, that! ? and purchased a battery-operated toy pig that oinks and waddles like Rodney Marsh on an off-day, and has driven all our four cats absolutely batty tonight!

Before I started on tonight?s effort, we both watched the Southampton-Pompey tie on the box, which finished 2-0 to the Saints, of course, but what made it all the more interesting, of course, was watching the score at Highbury rack up like points in a pin-ball machine on the little subtitle strip-thingy plonked below the main action. Our near-neighbours got quite a stonking ?dahn the Smoke? and bloody well serve ?em right. What was it Fergie said the other day about Wolves being a great club? I can only assume he?d imbibed considerably more of his native country?s famous product than was good for him when he came out with that one.

Of more direct interest to our fortunes, of course, was the Sunderland-Wigan result; that one finished one each, which was about what we would have wanted. An additional bonus was two sendings-off, one for either side; when those suspensions kick in, it?s going to weaken both sets of protagonists considerably. At the moment, it?s looking very much as though my prediction of a couple of months ago that The Latics wouldn?t stay the course might well come to pass. The other result of interest tonight was Rotherham 2 Coventry 0, which dumps those chattering Stokies right in the doo-doo once more, which will no doubt cheer up those Millers no end. What a shame (said she, with painful memories of Lou Macari and bloody Mark Stein still fresh, even after all these years!).

Returning to tomorrow?s game once more, that has every chance of being something special, of course, but it all hangs upon how seriously Fergie is taking the competition. If he decides he needs an ?insurance-policy? to be cashed in the unlikely event of things going pear-shaped in the Champions League, then we?re dead meat, but should he elect to ?rest? a few household names over the next 24 hours, then, daft as it might seem, we may be in with a smidgen of a chance of progressing to the last eight. Jason, smokin? hot, just like at Forest, might be enough of a menace to inflict a crippling blow on them, and hopefully, our defence would be strong enough to do the rest. Should this latter-day miracle come to pass, and should we consign the Red Devils to the dustbin of 2003-04 League Cup history on Wednesday evening, then we might well find ourselves faced with what the late Hughie Green used to call on the talent show ?Opportunity Knocks?, ?Make your Mind Up Time?.

That?s when the true dilemma will begin, folks ? after the final whistle. Basically, it?s this: whether it?s better to go out with honour at the next stage, or try to push on to greater things instead, and by doing so, possibly severely jeopardise our chances of achieving automatic promotion come the end of the season? This column was present for our 1966 Final win versus West Ham, our Wembley defeat against QPR the following season, plus the similarly-located slushy quagmire of our 1970 debacle versus Man City, consequently I?m as up for a little bit of Cup glory as the most ardent Brummie Road Ender, but you have to bear in mind there may be a somewhat expensive price-tag attached to the deal further down the line.

We laughed like a drain at the time ? well, serve ?em right for singing ?We?ll never play you again!? during that humiliating 3-0 Hawthorns defeat that pretty-much dug Brian Little?s managerial grave for him - but Blues ended up suffering horribly from the blight success in the League Cup cast upon their subsequent fortunes in the Great Promotion Stakes. Sure, they got to the final, and were unlucky to lose to Liverpool, but the resultant strain upon their playing resources, plus a crowded fixture list, at a time when they would have much preferred to take their games at a markedly less-frenetic pace, meant they blew the play-offs completely. The same thing happened to Bolton a few seasons back, and, I believe, Norwich. Sheffield United last season? Well, we all know how that one ended, and so does Neil Warnock, and, no doubt, Graham Poll, who is probably still wondering why he sometimes gets inexplicably-severe bouts of needle-sharp pain in various extremities, the intensity of which becomes worse the nearer he gets to the city of Sheffield!

Mind you, looking at it this time from the ?cup half-full? viewpoint, what could prove to be a millstone around our necks come the final run-in could reap handsome dividends elsewhere. I?m dead certain we can?t have budgeted for doing so well in the competition this season. Come on, were any of us to be suddenly given complete access to and control of the club?s purse-strings, what sensible Baggie person would willingly predicate this ?housekeeping money? pre-season on something Albion sides rarely achieve, a successful Cup run? A couple of days ago, ?Im Indoors and myself ran a few calculations through on the back of an envelope, and we reckon that thus far, our favourite football club could well have made around half a million out of progressing to the latter stages of the competition, so further progress could quite easily buy us a quality player, or pay his wages until we get back into the realms of the big moolah once more. On the other hand, failure to grab the glittering prize at the first time of asking could cost us dearly insofar as we?d most certainly lose talented and ambitious players like Koumas, Gaardsoe and Sakiri (Hoult, possibly?) to the higher sphere, and the short-term financial gain would then, more likely than not, count for diddly-squat. It would be nice to win the ?500K battle, sure, but can we really afford to lose the ?15 million war?

Went to The Shrine yesterday with ?Im Indoors to sort out Wimbledon tickets, but when we arrived there, a fellow Baggie exiting the Ticket Office told us a curious tale. Despite being advertised, they weren?t on sale, not a one to be had, and the reason why was stranger still. It?s not our club?s fault, of course, but apparently, The Dons? administrators won?t let The Franchise print match tickets in advance, so what?s coyly termed ?an announcement in the local Press? will be forthcoming from Albion at some stage or another in the near future. It would appear, according to the Big Tissue, the pukka Dons? fanzine, that the administrators are playing it that way just in case the club folds ?twixt now and when our finest (plus followers) make the trip down to Milton Keynes in a month?s time.

Houston ? we have a striker problem! Yep, that?s common knowledge by now, but Dean Sturridge? We?re top of the League, so someone must definitely be having a laugh, know what I mean? The chap is a Dingle, after all, and we do have to maintain certain standards, don?t we? I?ve heard rumours he keeps his coal in the bath, and isn?t really the sort of chap you?d invite to afternoon tea, old boy. Seriously, though, there is an entirely pragmatic reason as to why I don?t think the marriage would last, or work, even; what with the weight of expectation hanging over The Shrine at the moment, any striker that comes in will be instantly expected to find the cure for HIV/AIDS, solve the rapidly-deteriorating Israeli-Palestinian problem, repair the damage to the government caused by the Hutton enquiry, effect immediate improvements to our creaking NHS infrastructure ? and while he?s at it, can he bang a few in the back of the net, preferably at home, pretty please?

A pretty tall order at the best of times, but the fact he?s of the brain-dead persuasion and lodged with us, even temporarily, would go hard with him, especially if he can?t achieve all the aims listed above, especially the one about improving our home goalscoring record. Should he fall down on the task, the vituperation would descend about his head like a sack of spuds chucked straight off the back of a lorry. Hell hath no fury like a Baggie scorned, and all that, especially when there?s a Dingle conveniently at hand to shoulder the blame. Dean Ashton of Crewe sounds a much better bet, he?s young, he?s a proven goalscorer, he?s a graduate of the Dario Gradi Gresty Road Footballers? Finishing School - and he knows Rob Hulse of old. Plus the fact he?s not of Dingle lineage, of course!

And, according to tonight?s E and S, getting the bloke?s signature on the dotted might not be plain sailing anyway. According to head-Dingle Dave Jones, there are another three or four First Division clubs all scrapping to secure his services. There?s some speculation that the fact we?re not looking to retain his services on a permanent basis might count against us, because one of the other outfits in the hunt might well be able to offer him more of a permanent deal, which might just swing things their way when push finally comes to signature. Whatever happens, he will be out of Dingle-Town come the summer anyway, as his contract with the gold-and-cack comes to an end around that time. Failure to grab him might not be a disaster, because yet another name?s now entered the frame ? well, according to a very long telephone conversation I had with a friend of mine tonight ? and that?s Newcastle?s Lua-Lua. As that gentleman?s now playing some competitive first-team football for Newcastle at the moment, which wasn?t the case before, and is therefore likely to be happy staying right where he is for the moment, I think I?ll take that one with a large pinch of salt for now.

And finally?? According to tonight?s papers, there?s some very rum business going on with Birmingham?s answer to the London Eye ? aw, you know, the giant Ferris wheel they?ve set up recently not far from the Post Office Tower. Amongst other things, it boasts a commentary for the benefit of those electing to take in the marvellous view of the city from the top, but there?s now reports that lots of punters have been seen emerging from its interior with total bemusement written all over their faces. The reason for all this puzzlement? The commentary, which is pre-recorded, and saves employees the trouble of having to stand there spouting their stuff in a dreary monotone all day ? but is totally ? erm ? in French, and refers not to The Rotunda, Selfridges, or the Bull Ring, but the River Seine, and the bloody Eiffel Tower instead! Never mind, chaps, just move the thing to Wolverhampton; you could play ?em whatever you wanted over there, chances are they?d be too thick to notice the difference anyway!

 - Glynis Wright

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