The Diary

23 November 2003: My Opinions - Right Or Wrong?

It?s a shame I have to start today?s offering on such a bum note, but needs must, so here goes. The problems we had this afternoon not so much concerned the game, more what happened before it, and I?m afraid there are certain people in this area who should be examining their consciences rather closely this evening. The trouble, quite simply, was this: while selling our fanzine outside The Hawthorns before today?s game, a couple of unsavoury incidents occurred, the first of these being a rather rotund drink-sodden idiot bellowing, ?There?s only one Gary Megson?? right at me. The second? Totally out of the blue, someone approached my other half, wrested a fanzine out of his hands, then tore it up right in front of him. Quite a nasty start for ?Im Indoors, who, being employed in a peaceable sort of occupation, has never had to confront naked aggression such as that before, ever, and I?m quite certain he still hasn?t let on to me the full extent of how badly he was shaken by it all.

Those two incidents might not sound a lot to you, and when I think of all the violent behaviour I faced during the course of my previous career, it hardly registers on my personal Richter Scale, but what happened only served to precipitate a course of action we?d been seriously contemplating for the past 14 days, and it?s this: from here on in, this fanzine will cease and desist from making any mention of Gary Megson. We don?t care if his name is mentioned with a view towards nominating him for a gallantry award for rescuing from the smoke and flames a clutch of wheelchair-bound children, accompanied by scores of fluffy kittens, or recommending his departure to the First Circle Of Hell by the first available infernal transportation ? whatever, good, bad or indifferent, we simply won?t print it. All you?ll get is his name, his job title, and that?s it. Finis.

I?m deeply saddened that it?s had to come to what amounts to self-censorship, as it?s immediately knocked on the head two or three articles we?d recently received ? one of which was an absolute cracker, by the way, and our sincere apologies to the people concerned - but in view of the fact that in recent weeks, we?ve been badly misrepresented by the local media in one way or another, and now this, we?ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that we are fast approaching the point where our safety might be in serious jeopardy. You think we?re over-egging the problem? Well, when I tell you that the wife of one of our contributors (who has nothing whatsoever to do with football, incidentally) was threatened, not once, but twice last week because of certain views publicly expressed about our manager, and we ourselves received several emails, the contents of which I would hesitate to show a grown adult, let alone a young child, you?ll begin to comprehend the gravity of the problem. Not only that, the chap who runs this website recently sent me an email stating because of certain written material he?d also received about this column, he was also genuinely concerned for our safety, so you?ll readily understand why we?re having (reluctantly) to take this somewhat drastic course of action right now.

It?s sad also, because there are Albion supporters out there who, while not wholly agreeing with our views, will listen to our side of the debate and engage in rational and sensible dialogue about the issue; in fact, one chap did precisely that today while I was selling Dicks outside the ground, we spoke for about 20 minutes or so, and I was very happy to do so. OK, so we couldn?t reach satisfactory compromise about the pro/anti-Megson issue ? as I?ve explained before, it?s not a case of black and white, there are many shades of grey to factor into the equation ? but we did part amicably, and agreed to resume our little chat at some future date. No problem; I respect his point of view and he mine. And, when people have discussed their divergent opinions by email, in a rational manner, as some have recently, I?ve gone to a great deal of trouble to enter into very detailed and lengthy correspondence with them about why we?ve been pursuing this particular editorial policy so doggedly ? and most have respected me for doing so. Threats of violence, coupled with obscenity in quantity, are a totally different kettle of fish, though, and are simply not on. As I?ve said before, it?s come to a pretty pass when you can?t even engage in legitimate debate with Albion supporters on a contentious (and emotive, I?ll concede) subject for fear of some self-appointed guardian of the flame extracting their misguided revenge on either us or our other sellers. Oh ? and one other thing. Those who threatened our contributor?s missus, don?t think you?ve got away scot- free, because we?re now thinking of involving the police. Don?t say I didn?t warn you.

Back to more pleasant topics, now, and what better way to start than with young Dick bag-carrier Carly, and her recent13th birthday. Lot of presents in keeping with her new-found ?Kevin? status, I?m told (aw, you know, oodles of make-up, loads of lovely smellies, that sort of stuff, plus that all-important teen ?essential?, a mobile phone!), and, best of the lot, as I was starving, a whacking piece of birthday cake for us all, The Fart included. We didn?t see this huge bit of dessert in all its pristine pre-cutting glory, unfortunately, but I?m reliably informed that one of the centrepieces of this sugary masterpiece was an Albion shirt, all suitably done up in bright blue and white icing. Having duly sampled my bit (it took me about 5 seconds to woof my portion down the old clack!) in the Throstle Club, I can honestly declare it to be the canine?s gonads of cakes. Roll on that young lady?s eighteenth, I say!

Outside once more, come around four in the afternoon, and with the welcome news ringing in our ears that The Dingles were being thoroughly whopped for a change (normal service is now resumed!) and Sheffield United were behind, also. Nice one, but for the life of me, I will never, ever adjust to silly kick-off times like today?s. Come on, it?s neither one thing or the other, fish nor fowl, an afternoon or evening start, even, is it? Just something juxtaposed uncomfortably between the two, and all for the fiscal convenience of Rupert Murdoch and his merry men, who must be laughing all the way to the bank right now. As things stood, there we were, taking up our positions in the gathering gloom, and preparing to flog our wares to people who hadn?t arrived as yet, as they were mostly still in some warm pub or another, digesting the latest scores from the Prem and Nationwide, and merrily girding their alcoholic loins for the forthcoming encounter with our Berkshire visitors. For reasons which should be amply obvious by now, I?ll skip the greater part of what happened while selling, if you don?t mind, and proceed rapidly to the game itself.

Our first shock was the discovery Danny Dichio was in the front line to replace the slightly hors de combat Hughsey, something I?d predicted in this very column yesterday. And, talking of predictions, after finishing yesterday?s instalment, something made me alter my Boing website prediction for today?s game from a comfortable 3-1 win to a hair-raisingly-narrow 1-0 margin instead. As things panned out, I wasn?t that far wrong, either. Spooky, or what? But, back to the matter in hand, and also, much to my surprise, we had both AJ and Jason Koumas in the starting line-up; surprising, that, considering the two gruelling Euro 2004 play-off encounters they?d just had with Russia. And, on the bench, no place whatsoever for poor Dobes? Another thought; the live TV coverage certainly affected the gate. Although Reading brought more with them than I?d expected ? must have been that recent fun of form after changing managers ? our numbers were a tad down on what we?ve come to expect of late, 22,839, I?m given to understand. Mind you, more worrying (to me, at any rate!) was the name of one of the assistant referees ? that?s linesmen to me and you. His name was, believe it or not, Mr. Mullarkey! Talk about someone being born to their job, but more interesting still is our theory that this was the same official responsible for sending off Albion loanee Tam Mkandawire during Hereford?s encounter with Margate last week. Unless there are two blokes called Mullarkey refereeing and/or running the line at both levels, which I severely doubt, because it?s not exactly a name you forget easily!

To be fair, things did start off quite brightly for us, and Danny Dichio was proving to be quite a revelation for us in the attack; some of his little flick-ons to colleagues were quite intelligent, and his passing, heading and holding up of the ball in the box was superb. Clearly, the chance of first-team football in a different environment had done his game no end of good, and we gladly reaped the benefit of such a happy state of affairs. Who am I to argue? Given a bit of luck and a following wind he could have quite easily have broken the deadlock for us during that first 45 minutes. England?s fine but hard-fought Rugby World Cup Final win that morning was still exerting its magical effect upon the Brummie and Smethwick, because from time to time, we heard the strains of ?Swing Low, Sweet Chariot? wafting down from the rear of both these vantage-points ? good job, though, that our ?glee-club? chose to refrain from doing the somewhat suggestive arm-actions I remember from my student days, because, had that happened, the whole lot of them would have been making their appearance in the local magistrates court come Monday! On the pitch, though, Reading had set out their stall by having only one striker up front, and a packed midfield, which seems par for the course for visitors The Hawthorns these days.

As the game progressed it seemed, more and more, as though the entire encounter was going to descend into the sticky morass of a war of attrition. On the occasions we did attack, only rotten luck ? Hulse?s effort narrowly looped over the bar, and Deech inadvertently got in the way of AJ?s medium-range shot, which, well and truly deflected, bounced over the line for a goal-kick instead - prevented us from taking the lead. Late on in the half, Reading had a rare chance when one of their efforts, from long-range, narrowly flashed past Houlty?s rectangular domain, much to everyone?s relief. About five minutes before the interval, what looked like disaster struck for the hard-working Dichio, when he was clattered by (I think) Sidwell. Although he bravely attempted to soldier on until the interval, it quickly became clear he was struggling quite badly, so Hughsie replaced him around injury-time.

Come the resumption of hostilities, we made yet another change after ten minutes of the half when Robinson came off, to be replaced by Clem ? and this, undoubtedly, was the move that might have won the game for us, had it not been for some woeful finishing on our part. Within seconds of stepping into the fray, the lad became involved in a big way on the left, and in what amounted to an almighty ?turning up of the wick?, first of all James O?Connor should have found the mark from almost point-blank range, but the lad well and truly lived up to the ?non-scoring? reputation the Stokies had warned us about by missing horribly instead! Then, as if that wasn?t enough, Bernt Hass decided to emulate the feat, to the collective bemusement of the Brummie, with poor (but totally-unmarked) Bernt then deciding to make it a duo of misses from Clem?s exquisite defence-slaughtering cross not long after that initial gaffe. Then, not long after that, it was poor Clem?s turn to do what?s popularly know as a ?cherry?; again, the ball should have met the back of the goal, but instead, it hit the side netting. Oh, whoops.

Meanwhile, Reading brought on a thorough nuisance by the name of Savage, and you certainly couldn?t have sued. Not because his style of play was that violent, just because he tightened up the visitors? defensive act considerably, and served to clamp down on our incursions down the flanks in a big way. With about 15 minutes still remaining, we decided to sacrifice James O?Connor, and bring on instead the elegant Sakiri, and not long after that, it could have been a very sneaky game, set and match for Reading after all, when Salako ? remember him from the days when Crystal Palace were constantly up and down like a tart?s knickers? ? totally failed to bury a superb centre from a colleague. Phew! And yet, despite a growing certainty Reading were willing to settle for the point, we could have still sewn up all three, had our finishing been sharper. First of all Rob Hulse cocked up an effort he would normally have put away in his sleep, and then, just before the referee blew for the cessation of hostilities, he managed to put a golden chance ? headed, that time ? just over the bar.

A point gained, or two lost? Personally, I?d make a convincing argument for the latter option, but football, bless it, is all about opinions, and that?s mine, for what it?s worth. What is it, now? Five points in five home games? A tad worrying, shall we say. Should do better? Some might have seen the game totally differently, but that?s OK, I?m feeling quite mellow tonight. We?re still comfortably perched in our lofty eyrie, mainly because none of our immediate rivals could make serious inroads on our summit-status this afternoon, but things could change come Tuesday night because ? wait for it, folks - we play our much-vaunted GAME IN HAND, which, of course, involves a lengthy journey to the Welsh capital. If you want my personal opinion, given the choice, I?d much rather travel to the depraved depths of Mordor, or Mount Doom, come to think of it, and meet their lot instead, because our Celtic playmates aren?t at all averse to ?close encounters of the bruising kind? when it suits them (which means pretty-much every time they play a home fixture), and are notorious in supporter folk-lore as a result. It really is going to be a case of not wearing colours and keeping our collective mouths shut; at least, in Dingle-land, there?s safety to be found in having a not too dissimilar lingo to the brain-deads, but no such luck in the Principality, I?m afraid! More on that subject nearer the time, but for now, I?ll leave you with this.

And finally?.. A thought-provoking conversation with Dick reader and all-round good egg Dave Baxendale just before today?s encounter. The reason? The letter he sent to our fine upstanding organ not so long back bemoaning the absence of supporters from reserve fixtures, also a vigorous exhortation from the lad for more Baggies to come and join in the fun. As he ruefully admitted this afternoon, that letter must have had the desired effect, because even he reckoned the recent bumper 3,700 gate at Kiddy versus the Dingles was a tad excessive!

 - Glynis Wright

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