The Diary

14 November 2003: Appy - The End Of The Road

This being my first diary instalment since last Monday, it greatly saddens me to have to open with today?s announcement from the club that Michael Appleton will have to retire from the game on medical grounds. I had long suspected that was going to be the case, and intimated as such in this column recently, but it still comes as something of a shock when you finally see your suspicions confirmed in writing by the club. As you all will remember, ?Appy? was going great guns in the first team during our promotion season, but then had an unfortunate training accident, which resulted in extensive damage to one of his cruciate ligaments. An operation was performed, and he appeared to be making a steady recovery, but a further setback occurred, necessitating a second bit of surgery. Appy got over that lot, trained hard, made the reserve side ? actually playing a couple of Prem Reserve League games, the last of which was against Man U - broke down again, but this time there was no way back, hence today?s awful news.

The tragedy of the situation is that Appy always gave 100 per cent to the cause whatever he was doing, be it in a first-team game, training, or simply trying to get over that injury. It must have been quite a sickener for him; when we interviewed him for the fanzine a few seasons back, he gave us the impression of being the sort of character who wouldn?t let life?s set-backs, however great or small, get on top of him, no matter what. It?s human nature, really; no matter how hopeless the situation, there?s always the thought at the back of your mind that a miracle might happen, but when you?re finally told there?s no hope whatsoever left in sight, it must seem like the end of the world at the time.

In fact, at tonight?s supporters club meeting, Russell Hoult made a telling comment when he said, ?Appy tried hard to get back from the injury, perhaps, too hard?.? Such determination in the face of overwhelming odds is an eminently-transferable skill, and whatever occupation he does choose to pursue in the future, that sort of positive attitude in the face of adversity will go a long way towards ensuring complete success. From what Houlty also said, it sounds as though he may well have something lined up already, so it goes without saying that the good wishes of this column, and indeed our fanzine, go with him wherever he goes.

From the above, you?ll have gathered we didn?t look in on our chairman tonight, but paid a visit to the Throstle Club around the corner instead. I could tell you that we decided Jeremy had seen enough of us to last a lifetime, but that would be telling porkies, really. No ? and this is confession time, folks! ? I cocked up in my last instalment. I genuinely thought we?d be venturing into the Platinum Suite tonight, but I got it wrong! Never mind, though; even the great and good of this world drop clangers ? just look at our sainted England and West Ham keeper David James last Saturday! ? but the upshot of my gaffe was I gave you lot duff information. Sorry. Mind you, I reckon that of the two events, we had the better half of the bargain, despite the somewhat unfortunate start. What happened? Well, Bernt Hass, Gilly, and James O Connor were listed as attenders, along with Mr. Hoult, but instead of them, we got Russell, slightly delayed, and a last-minute stand-in, Alasse N?Dour, our Senegalese ?temporary Baggie?. What happened to the others? Perhaps it would be a little more diplomatic to proceed to the next paragraph instead.

Because of the aforementioned ?difficulties?, the meeting kicked off late, but with Alasse making his debut appearance on stage, but ?solo? until Houlty turned up. Unfortunately, his English was heavily-accented and my hearing isn?t that good, but what little I did glean from what he had to say, I?ll put down as best as I can. He?s from Senegal, formerly a French colony ? that?s the little bit of Africa that surrounds The Gambia, by the way ? Maradonna was his boyhood hero, and St. Etienne was his first French club, spending 7 years there from the age of 14. . The Old Fart ? John Homers introduction of him to Alasse was, ?If you don?t know this man, you will very soon!? ? was the first questioner from the floor, asking him what the difference was between the English game and its French counterpart. Our lad replied that in this country, the game was very fast and very direct. And what about training and coaching? Very different, in England. He also had an agent, who helped bring him to the Hawthorns; Bobby Hope was instrumental in setting the wheels in motion. He also lives in Brum, with Big Bertha as a neighbour, plays basketball, likes all kinds of music, and wants to get an extended contract with us. At this point in time, two things happened. First off, master of ceremonies John Homer took time out to explain to the lad just how highly Bobby was regarded by Albion supporters. The second? Houlty arrived, but it was a case of ?here one minute, then gone the next?! The reason? Someone wanted him to shift his car, so we were then treated to the sight of our Numero Uno keeper dashing into the room from behind the stage, then belting out at great speed once more via the main entrance! Confusing? Not arf!

Within a matter of a minute or so, Houlty was back, and in his perch alongside Mr. N?Dour. This being the first ?proper? look I?d had of our keeper in ages, a couple of things struck me; firstly, he hadn?t half lost some weight since that time we interviewed him for The Dick, and the second was his haircut; gone was the unruly looking gel-assisted spiky thing I?d seen on the homeward flight from Denmark, and in it s place was a cropped sort of number. All of these facial and hirsute changes conspired to produce a distinctly-uncanny resemblance to the late, great John Osborne, with fleeting elements of Rowan Atkinson?s rubbery features thrown in for good measure! If you?re reading this, Russell, don?t worry, that?s quite a compliment, as ?Ossie? was about the best keeper I ever saw wear a jersey for us; both have (or had) the same impeccable positioning sense, a complete command of their area, and an almost magnetic ability to pluck high crosses from out of the path of marauding strikers and into the safety of gloved hands.

Russell also shares one other attribute with the late John Osborne; a sense of humour so dry, it needed constant applications of moisturiser! Mind you, our loan signing managed to get the first laugh in. John Homer innocently asked N?Dour if he wanted to ask Russell anything while he was here. The reply? ?Yes ? why are you late?? Needless to say, it left our Number One totally speechless, and the audience in a similar state ? with laughter!

Naturally, the first questions asked of Houlty concerned That Game. When did the players think we were in with a chance of pulling things back? Unsurprisingly, Russell replied that the moment came at half-time, just after Defoe got himself sent off. Then, more comedy, this time in the form of a text message for our keeper. What did it say, asked John Homer? A pause, then the side-splitting answer, delivered in typical dead-pan manner: ?Can you get some milk on your way home!?

We then had more questions, centring around the best keeper he?d ever played with, and that towel business at Newcastle. Was it really as bad as it had sounded to us? Yes, was the answer, apparently, Russell literally could not see out of his eyes at half time. Ouch. More revelations followed about his earlier career; he was originally a centre-forward at school, one of his teachers had recommended him for a trial at Leicester, but between the sticks that time, and it had started from there. As for who he thought would go up come May, Houlty thought Sheffield United would be in the frame, as they were a harder nut to crack than anyone else. Had any opposition clubs impressed him this far this term? Yes, Sunderland, and ? surprising, this ? Wimbledon!

About this time, Russell?s little mate N?Dour had to leave, and was rewarded with much applause for filling in at such short notice; given his lack of English, it couldn?t have been at all easy for him. Once he?d gone, the next question for Houlty concerned which Premiership games he?d actually enjoyed last season. The Man United game at Old Trafford, was the reply, and also the recent Newcastle one. Was he ever intimidated by the crowds behind his goal? No, not really. Best team played in The Prem? Arsenal, because of their movement, speed and control.

Inevitably, the discussion then focussed on the sad news today that Michael Appleton had been told he had to quit the game. Were there any plans afoot in the club to do anything for him? Obviously, Russell couldn?t say as to whether the club had anything in mind or not, but he thought that the squad might do something. He further commented that that Appy was a great lad and had had a tough time and it was a shame to see such a young lad?s career come to an end. He does have something planned for the future, apparently, and wants to give something back to the game. John Homer then asked Houlty to pass on our best wishes for the future to the bloke.

Why did he come to us? Because he wasn?t getting any games, but didn?t need much persuading as our place was close to home, and he knew he would get first-team football. His favourite English keeper? No particular favourite English one, but if he had to be pushed, he reckoned he rated Schmiechel. Oh ? and another revelation, Houlty was about the only person in Ewood Park last season who didn?t realise there was a giraffe doing the conga behind his goal!

Houlty was then asked what his principal memories were of both the Bradford and Palace games, and what our manager had said at half-time. As far as the second question was concerned, Houlty simply said he?d rather not comment, but of the first, Igor Balis?s penalty versus Bradford, and Bob?s goal versus Palace stood out the most.

Had he ever come across supporters as fervent as ours before? Pompey came close, apparently, but because of the greater distances they had to travel, their numbers weren?t as great as ours. Biggest influences? His schoolteacher, the one that recommended him to Leicester, and Eric Steele, the goalkeeping coach at Villa. And, just before then end, one final revelation. When asked what he wanted for Christmas, his answer was, ?A television, please!? His set is knackered at the moment, so mum, dad and his two children (age 2 and a bit) are currently bereft of all things small-screen. This little gem prompted someone to ask what sort of programmes Russell liked. What can you say to a bloke who is such a whiz between the sticks but actually admits to liking both ?The Dukes Of Hazzard?, and The Banana Splits?

More comedy courtesy of Houlty?s mobile once more ? this time, it was his missus asking where he was, and Russell?s reply, ?Still on the stage!? whilst holding the phone up to catch the inevitable roars of laughter brought the house down. More fun with the drawing of the raffle prizes ? incidentally, Russell offered the bottle of whisky presented to him by the supporters club to the draw as well, which was rare decent of him ? and the evening then finally drew to a close. A brilliant night all told, remarkable considering it came quite close to never happening at all, and I reckon Houlty, with his natural wit, was instrumental in making the whole thing the success it was. Some footballers, lacking the ability (or sufficient articulacy) to speak to groups of people in a comfortable manner, have great difficulty with these functions, but you could never say that about our keeper. Truly a natural, and more power to his more-than-ample elbow, I say.

And finally?.Never let it be said I don?t give praise where it?s genuinely due. I refer here to Albion?s spanking-new on-line ticket-ordering service. To make full use of the facility, you have to obtain a PIN number from the club, and this is what we both did the other day. My number came through no bother at all, but that of ?Im Indoors hit problems for whatever reason, and come yesterday, we still hadn?t had any response from the club, so I then rang them. I have to say, they couldn?t have been more helpful; I supplied them with all the necessary details over the phone, they promised me they?d come up with the goods within minutes ? and, lo and behold, when I logged on after putting down the receiver, there it was, in black and white, on our screen. Actually ordering the Man United tickets we wanted was simplicity itself; use said number to access the site, just tap in the stilecard number, the credit card details ? and there it was. Done and dusted, added to our stilecards ? and no queuing, or any of the usual sort of big game nonsense, whatsoever. A real boon to those, like me, who have dodgy limbs, and can?t cope with standing for long periods of time. Well done, Albion, on both counts.

N.B. More from me next week. Unless I have good reason to break my silence, of course. Cryptic message to Anc: I?ll be using the Dingle info you gave me then, so hang on in there, baby!

 - Glynis Wright

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