The Diary

10 November 2003: More On Those Bursting Hammers Bubbles

?I can?t live with you, I can?t live without you?..

I'm walking a fine line between hope and despair You may think that I don't care But I travelled a long road to get a hold of my sorrow I tried to catch a dream But nothing's what it seems?

Words by Queen, Innuendo album, 1991.

Another day, another diary entry, and I?m still not entirely sure I imagined yesterday afternoon?s magical events! Sometimes, being a Baggies supporter really is like being in a highly-unstable relationship with someone; aggravating, exasperating, infuriating, even (think Norwich, Wimbledon and Sheffield United, here) one minute, then, in the blink of an eye (or a dramatic comeback from a three-goal deficit!) you suddenly find your heart dissolving into a puddle-y sort of goo that gathers at your feet with great rapidity, and a desire quickly forms within you to worship the very ground those players walk upon, follow them to the ends of the earth, and to Eternity, even, should that prove necessary in the furtherance of the cause. It?s at that moment, the realisation dawns as to why it is you put yourself through so much angst, torment, make a pretzel of your emotions, even, week in, week out. You?re an Albion supporter, they?ve done the impossible again, and you love ?em for it.

Totally irrational and illogical, I know, but that?s how it is for me and the relationship I have with my football team right now. Volatile. Capricious. Hot and cold. Going back to the Queen lyrics quoted above, as the late Freddie Mercury put it:

?Through the madness, through the tears We've still got each other for a million years?..?

No prizes for guessing as to where the little pointer on my personal ?Worship-Ometer? stands at the moment; it?s no exaggeration to say that I came out of that ground yesterday feeling about sixty feet tall, and as I looked around, it swiftly became abundantly clear I wasn?t alone in feeling like that. It?s not that often you see big burly Black Country blokes almost welling up with tears at the sheer pride of it. That?s twice in fourteen days I?ve exited a ground at the final whistle bloody proud of the team I follow, and so emotional, it?s raised goose-pimples. Quite a turnaround from those times earlier in the season when I thought the magic had finally faded for me. Yes, I know I don?t always share the same opinions as our manager, and I don?t really care for his dictatorial management style, and sometimes-stifling tactics, either, which was another factor in my growing disillusionment, but that?s him, not the team. Right now, those blokes in blue and white stripes I love to death; as far as I?m concerned, they could collectively go out tomorrow, kidnap the Queen, and use Her Maj as a shooting-in target, but even if they did, I wouldn?t give two hoots because they?re Baggies, and can therefore do no wrong.

It was interesting to see in one of the Sunday papers that Alan Pardew was making a spirited defence of Jermaine Defoe, and the circumstances that led to his dismissal shortly before the interval. Effectively, what the bloke said was that the referee?s action in showing him ?red? was way over the top because Greegs had indulged in a bit of what?s known as ?simulation? in the wacky world of footer. Sorry, but that wasn?t the way it appeared to me, and, yes, I realise I might not possess the degree of objectivity necessary to form such an opinion, but that awful lunge would have surely evoked cries of revulsion from an old, cynical and embittered Third Division defender on an inexorable slide out of the Football League and into the vast wastelands of the Conference.

In any case, what clinched it for me was the comment of another hack who remarked he?d seen footage of the challenge afterwards, and it really was as bad as that. What might be a bonus for us is the fact that the lad was also sent off earlier in the season ? versus Gillingham? ? and because of that, his penalty might be that much harsher as a result. If that?s the case, then you can consider it a near-cert he won?t be participating in the return game in around three weeks time. It?s at times like that Captain Mainwaring?s dismissive comment about Private Pike springs to mind ? and Defoe really is a ?stupid boy?, make no mistake!

Another less-than savoury wheeze pulled by supposed football purists and all-round good eggs West Ham was their seeming abandonment of the use of ball-boys to make quick ball returns during that second half. This was something I?d half-noticed at the time, but due to the sheer emotion generated by the game, and our barnstorming finish, I?d shoved it to the back of my mind, until someone on the mailing-list brought up the subject today. For the benefit of those who didn?t make the game, and those reading this in foreign climes, what happened, briefly, was this: as you all know, Albion operate a system whereby loads of match-balls are kept in readiness by the ball-boys, so that as one ball goes out of play, another is quickly rushed to the scene, thereby facilitating the flow of the game.

This can only be done with the agreement of the ref, and it so happened yesterday that The Hammers elected to employ the same system as well. So far the service, so good ? until the second half, when those previously-numerous youthful and agile keepers of the spheroids did a sudden disappearing act worthy of a Mulder and Scully Special, which meant that if our finest wanted the ball back for a throw-in, etc. they were invariably left with a long wait. Not that I?m accusing Pardew of anything, mind, but the fact that they were down to ten men, and desperately trying to keep our lot out of their hair at the time was stretching coincidence more than a tad, wouldn?t you think? And then there was the mysterious affair of the stadium clock that stubbornly refused to function come the second half. Wouldn?t be anything to do with them trying to prevent our lot from knowing how much time they had left to turn things around, by any chance? Perish the thought, and wash my mouth out with soap and water for even thinking of voicing such a heresy; everyone knows that Upton Park equates to the very essence of sporting behaviour, and is lauded as such by the media.

And now, the other side of the coin; in the interests of balance, I thought I?d delve into the murkier recesses of the internet to winkle out some Hammers thoughts on yesterday?s game, and this is a selection of what I came up with:

?We should have made Trevor Brooking take on the manager's job permanently. A Brooking side would never have made nobs of themselves like they did on Saturday.? was the opinion of one seemingly-disenchanted East Londoner.

As for Defoe and his misdemeanour, because of the comment below, I get the distinct impression he won?t be winning their Player Of The Year Award this time round! ?So Defoe, who's already been booked, launches a tackle that has to get him sent off. Not for the first time this season, he leaves his team-mates totally in the shite and as he walks off, a section of the crowd give him a standing ovation. And they say footballers are thick!?

And, bearing in mind my earlier remarks about Alan Pardew?s verdict on that sending-off, this is what one of their supporters thought about their manager?s somewhat intemperate comments about his player?s conduct: ?What was more embarrassing? Losing 4-3 or Pardew's claim that Defoe's stud's up, two footed, break-your-legs lunge sending off was "harsh"??Reading their main match report was also instructive. Whereas ours was suffused with elation and sheer pride, theirs began with the despairing words, ?Where and how do you try to explain away a defeat like this? What words can possibly describe how a three goal lead inside twenty minutes is thrown away in such spectacular fashion??..?

Don?t worry, luv, you will; trust me, I?ve been there myself!

According to the writer, ?Upton Park was left stunned and shell shocked by the collapse, although there can not have been too many who did not see it coming from the moment West Brom pulled it back to 3-1?.?

Don?t be too hard on your fellow-supporters, mate, we didn?t see it coming at 3-1 either!

The writer then goes on to say, ?All though it should have been no such thing, what ought to have been a relatively easy task (turned) into a mountainous one. The panic which suddenly spread through The Hammers side was as palpable as the sudden sensing of blood that spread throughout the Baggies. It was precisely that which resulted in the visitors? second goal, a good strike which should never have been allowed to happen in the first place?..?

Suffice to say that West Ham?s supporter website message boards are all incandescent-hot with rage at the moment! Alan Pardew?s ears must be burning, right now.

And finally?.. Just when I?d thought this weekend couldn?t get any better, Leicester thrashed Man City today. Which means, of course, that The Dingles are now in the relegation zone once more. What lovely news. Given the sort of good fortune we?ve all been having over the last 36 hours, time to give my lottery ticket a belated once-over, methinks?

 - Glynis Wright

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